Every dog has its day, as Best in Class Rovi can attest

 

Share
Related Topics

In the letters column of this newspaper yesterday, Simon Manton writes: "I assume that Simon Kelner has never been through the trials, tribulations and embarrassments of owning a dog." Oh, how little you know about me, dear reader.

Anyone who has had the misfortune of working closely with me over recent years will have seen the pictures, heard the stories, maybe even read the newspaper articles about my very own eight-year-old standard long-haired dachshund called Rovi (short for Rover). So, Mr Manton, when it comes to dogs, I will see you and raise you. Not only have I experienced trials, tribulations and embarrassment, but also pride, joy, and the occasional thrill.

I was being taken to task for my reaction to the YouTube clip of a hapless owner chasing his black labrador, Fenton, who was, in turn, chasing a herd of deer. It's a piece of film that's now as familiar to the nation as the rear view of Pippa Middleton at the Royal Wedding.

I don't find the footage especially funny, and Mr Manton claims it's because I can't identify with the voluble exasperation of the dog's owner. He may have a point, but, if so, it's because I can't identify with the dog. The idea of my dachshund chasing after a pack of animals is fanciful in the extreme, largely because he, rather than I, would die of embarrassment if he ended up as a YouTube sensation.

He's never sought the limelight, so when his fledgling career as show dog came to an end, he was happy to go back to a quiet life. Astonished at how good-looking he was as a youngster (funny how parents think that about their offspring), we entered him for a dog show in Bedford, where he went through his paces in a characteristically self-effacing manner.

Indeed, if it were possible for dogs to blush, he'd have had a red face to match his coat. Anyway, with his noble countenance and unruffled attitude, he won best in class, and he has the rosette to prove it. The fact that he was the only in class is neither here nor there: he retired at the top, and while he has a good sense of humour, he has no ambition to be a comedy internet hit.

I am sure, however, that Fenton was exercised because he envisaged a running buffet of venison: Fred MacAulay, the Scottish comedian, does a brilliant routine in which he says that, several generations ago, a labrador once missed a meal, with the result that, ever since, labradors have a neurotic obsession that someone will forget about feeding them.

Rovi, by contrast, has a more refined palate, but if he ever sees some sautéed calves liver with rosemary jus cross his horizon, he'll be chasing after it as fast as his little legs will carry him. I think it's fair to say, Mr Manton, that I'm in tune with my inner dog.

In fact, I once told a psychiatrist that I believed I was a dog. Lie down on the couch, he said. Oh no, I replied. I'm not allowed on the couch. Woof woof!

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Environmental Adviser - Maternity Cover

£37040 - £43600 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The UK's export credit agency a...

Recruitment Genius: CBM & Lubrication Technician

£25000 - £27500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides a compreh...

Recruitment Genius: Care Worker - Residential Emergency Service

£16800 - £19500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Would you like to join an organ...

Recruitment Genius: Senior Landscaper

£25000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: In the last five years this com...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: Whoever and whatever Arthur was, he wasn’t Scottish

Guy Keleny
Labour's Jeremy Corbyn arrives to take part in a Labour party leadership final debate, at the Sage in Gateshead, England, Thursday, Sept. 3  

Jeremy Corbyn is here to stay and the Labour Party is never going to look the same again

Andrew Grice
The long walk west: they fled war in Syria, only to get held up in Hungary – now hundreds of refugees have set off on foot for Austria

They fled war in Syria...

...only to get stuck and sidetracked in Hungary
From The Prisoner to Mad Men, elaborate title sequences are one of the keys to a great TV series

Title sequences: From The Prisoner to Mad Men

Elaborate title sequences are one of the keys to a great TV series. But why does the art form have such a chequered history?
Giorgio Armani Beauty's fabric-inspired foundations: Get back to basics this autumn

Giorgio Armani Beauty's foundations

Sumptuous fabrics meet luscious cosmetics for this elegant look
From stowaways to Operation Stack: Life in a transcontinental lorry cab

Life from the inside of a trucker's cab

From stowaways to Operation Stack, it's a challenging time to be a trucker heading to and from the Continent
Kelis interview: The songwriter and sauce-maker on cooking for Pharrell and crying over potatoes

Kelis interview

The singer and sauce-maker on cooking for Pharrell
Refugee crisis: David Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia - will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi?

Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia...

But will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi, asks Robert Fisk
Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

Humanity must be at the heart of politics, says Jeremy Corbyn
Joe Biden's 'tease tour': Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?

Joe Biden's 'tease tour'

Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?
Britain's 24-hour culture: With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever

Britain's 24-hour culture

With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever
Diplomacy board game: Treachery is the way to win - which makes it just like the real thing

The addictive nature of Diplomacy

Bullying, betrayal, aggression – it may be just a board game, but the family that plays Diplomacy may never look at each other in the same way again
Lady Chatterley's Lover: Racy underwear for fans of DH Lawrence's equally racy tome

Fashion: Ooh, Lady Chatterley!

Take inspiration from DH Lawrence's racy tome with equally racy underwear
8 best children's clocks

Tick-tock: 8 best children's clocks

Whether you’re teaching them to tell the time or putting the finishing touches to a nursery, there’s a ticker for that
Charlie Austin: Queens Park Rangers striker says ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

Charlie Austin: ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

After hitting 18 goals in the Premier League last season, the QPR striker was the great non-deal of transfer deadline day. But he says he'd preferred another shot at promotion
Isis profits from destruction of antiquities by selling relics to dealers - and then blowing up the buildings they come from to conceal the evidence of looting

How Isis profits from destruction of antiquities

Robert Fisk on the terrorist group's manipulation of the market to increase the price of artefacts
Labour leadership: Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea

'If we lose touch we’ll end up with two decades of the Tories'

In an exclusive interview, Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea