Every dog has its day, as Best in Class Rovi can attest

 

Share
Related Topics

In the letters column of this newspaper yesterday, Simon Manton writes: "I assume that Simon Kelner has never been through the trials, tribulations and embarrassments of owning a dog." Oh, how little you know about me, dear reader.

Anyone who has had the misfortune of working closely with me over recent years will have seen the pictures, heard the stories, maybe even read the newspaper articles about my very own eight-year-old standard long-haired dachshund called Rovi (short for Rover). So, Mr Manton, when it comes to dogs, I will see you and raise you. Not only have I experienced trials, tribulations and embarrassment, but also pride, joy, and the occasional thrill.

I was being taken to task for my reaction to the YouTube clip of a hapless owner chasing his black labrador, Fenton, who was, in turn, chasing a herd of deer. It's a piece of film that's now as familiar to the nation as the rear view of Pippa Middleton at the Royal Wedding.

I don't find the footage especially funny, and Mr Manton claims it's because I can't identify with the voluble exasperation of the dog's owner. He may have a point, but, if so, it's because I can't identify with the dog. The idea of my dachshund chasing after a pack of animals is fanciful in the extreme, largely because he, rather than I, would die of embarrassment if he ended up as a YouTube sensation.

He's never sought the limelight, so when his fledgling career as show dog came to an end, he was happy to go back to a quiet life. Astonished at how good-looking he was as a youngster (funny how parents think that about their offspring), we entered him for a dog show in Bedford, where he went through his paces in a characteristically self-effacing manner.

Indeed, if it were possible for dogs to blush, he'd have had a red face to match his coat. Anyway, with his noble countenance and unruffled attitude, he won best in class, and he has the rosette to prove it. The fact that he was the only in class is neither here nor there: he retired at the top, and while he has a good sense of humour, he has no ambition to be a comedy internet hit.

I am sure, however, that Fenton was exercised because he envisaged a running buffet of venison: Fred MacAulay, the Scottish comedian, does a brilliant routine in which he says that, several generations ago, a labrador once missed a meal, with the result that, ever since, labradors have a neurotic obsession that someone will forget about feeding them.

Rovi, by contrast, has a more refined palate, but if he ever sees some sautéed calves liver with rosemary jus cross his horizon, he'll be chasing after it as fast as his little legs will carry him. I think it's fair to say, Mr Manton, that I'm in tune with my inner dog.

In fact, I once told a psychiatrist that I believed I was a dog. Lie down on the couch, he said. Oh no, I replied. I'm not allowed on the couch. Woof woof!

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Lettings and Sales Negotiator - OTE £46,000

£16000 - £46000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity to join ...

Recruitment Genius: Home Care Worker - Reading and Surrounding Areas

£9 - £13 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This is a great opportunity to join a s...

Recruitment Genius: Key Sales Account Manager - OTE £35,000

£25000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Have you got a proven track rec...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - OTE £40,000

£15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a great opportunity for...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Cameron visiting a primary school last year  

The only choice in schools is between the one you want and the ones you don’t

Jane Merrick
Zoë Ball says having her two children was the best thing ever to happen to her  

Start a family – you’ll never have to go out again

John Mullin
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

Poldark star Heida Reed

'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

Money, corruption and drugs

The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

150 years after it was outlawed...

... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

You won't believe your eyes

Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn