First rule of international fight club? No chin hits...

Tales of the Water Cooler
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The Independent Online

The 1984 video for Frankie Goes to Hollywood's nuclear-paranoiac Two Tribes saw the then-American and Soviet leaders, Ronald Reagan and Konstantin Chernenko, punching each other to a flabby standstill in a Cold War fight club, urged on by a baying mob representing, well, us. How great, we thought, would it be to have our leaders – so hot for conflict – do the fighting for us? Let them bear the bruises! But no one, frankly, wants to see David Cameron and Argentina president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner rolling around in a death struggle (principally because I suspect our own Eton trifle may be in possession of a jaw as cut-glass as his accent), so we must look elsewhere for a hero.

This week, President de Kirchner placed a full-page advert in The Guardian and The Independent, urging us to return the Falklands. And, like a legislation-becalmed foxhound hearing the parp of a hunting horn, The Sun immediately took its tat to the Argentines' tit and bought a page in the Buenos Aries Herald, telling them to back the hell off.

And thus may have our alternative champion presented himself.

In fighting his way from the Showbiz desk to the big office at the top of the stairs, Sun Editor Dominic Mohan must have stepped on the odd metaphorical throat or two and, you would suspect, be somewhat more streetwise than our chinless premier.

So let Dom the Damager go up against the Argentinian Amazon. I'm happy to offer the use of my front room for the contest. I'll even do some crisps. @DonaldAMacInnes