Kathy Lette: 'It's a girl thing, guys'

Share

Our motheres always told us that "beauty comes from within". Yeah, right. Within a jar marked "Estée Lauder".

Our motheres always told us that "beauty comes from within". Yeah, right. Within a jar marked "Estée Lauder".

As any woman can tell you, beauty is one of the most lovely and natural things - which money can buy. When it comes to appearance, collective female confidence is lower than Britney Spears' bikini line. Show me a woman who is happy with her looks and I'll show you the electro-convulsive therapy scorch marks.

Like Dracula, most women try to avoid mirrors. Or, at least get them insured. Men on the other hand have always seemed to keep fit by doing step aerobics off their own egos. Until recently, that is ... Sales for men's beautifying products are on a sky-rocket trajectory. But boys, I beseech you - stop.

Women are neurotic about looks because we suffer from FACIAL prejudice; you men judge us on appearance. For women, however, wordplay is foreplay. (How else is Woody Allen still getting laid?) Humour, intelligence, compassion - surveys conclude that these are the more highly regarded attributes in a male.

Not that we want you to squat around on your haunches all day combing nits out of your back hair. A daily shower and shave fellas, is a must. But the female of the species is definitely put off by a man who demands more mirror time than she does. Globally, more money is spent on beauty products than on munitions. (And that's all these lotions and potions are really - ammunition in the sex war.) But "miracle creams" are so called because it's such a bloody miracle anyone would be stupid enough to fork out £150 for one.

The truth is that appearance is really a case of mind over matter: if you don't mind, it don't matter. So, don't buy into the metrosexual neuroses. Become a consumer conscientious objector and don't let the till toll for thee, and, if manners maketh man, why should make-up maketh woman? If you really want to impress women - learn to read between our lines.

Kathy Lette's latest novel, 'Dead Sexy', is published by Simon and Schuster.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

C++ Quant Developer

£700 per day: Harrington Starr: Quantitative Developer C++, Python, STL, R, PD...

Java/Calypso Developer

£700 per day: Harrington Starr: Java/Calypso Developer Java, Calypso, J2EE, J...

SQL Developer

£500 per day: Harrington Starr: SQL Developer SQL, C#, Stored Procedures, MDX...

Front-Office Developer (C#, .NET, Java, AI)

£40000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Front-Office D...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Ashya King in hospital with his mother  

Ashya King: Breakdown in relations led to this PR fiasco

Paul Peachey
Jim Murphy, Shadow Secretary of State for International Development holds a carton of eggs during a speech to Better Together supporters  

When the course of history is on the line, democracy is a raw, vicious and filthy business

Matthew Norman
Chief inspector of GPs: ‘Most doctors don’t really know what bad practice can be like for patients’

Steve Field: ‘Most doctors don’t really know what bad practice can be like for patients’

The man charged with inspecting doctors explains why he may not be welcome in every surgery
Stolen youth: Younger blood can reverse many of the effects of ageing

Stolen youth

Younger blood can reverse many of the effects of ageing
Bob Willoughby: Hollywood's first behind the scenes photographer

Bob Willoughby: The reel deal

He was the photographer who brought documentary photojournalism to Hollywood, changing the way film stars would be portrayed for ever
Hollywood heavyweights produce world's most expensive corporate video - for Macau casino

Hollywood heavyweights produce world's most expensive corporate video - for Macau casino

Scorsese in the director's chair with De Niro, DiCaprio and Pitt to star
Angelina Jolie's wedding dress: made by Versace, designed by her children

Made by Versace, designed by her children

Angelina Jolie's wedding dressed revealed
Anyone for pulled chicken?

Pulling chicks

Pulled pork has gone from being a US barbecue secret to a regular on supermarket shelves. Now KFC is trying to tempt us with a chicken version
9 best steam generator irons

9 best steam generator irons

To get through your ironing as swiftly as possible, invest in one of these efficient gadgets
'I’ll tell you what I would not serve - lamb and potatoes': US ambassador hits out at stodgy British food served at diplomatic dinners

'I’ll tell you what I would not serve - lamb and potatoes'

US ambassador hits out at stodgy British food
Radio Times female powerlist: A 'revolution' in TV gender roles

A 'revolution' in TV gender roles

Inside the Radio Times female powerlist
Endgame: James Frey's literary treasure hunt

James Frey's literary treasure hunt

Riddling trilogy could net you $3m
Fitbit: Because the tingle feels so good

Fitbit: Because the tingle feels so good

What David Sedaris learnt about the world from his fitness tracker
Saudis risk new Muslim division with proposal to move Mohamed’s tomb

Saudis risk new Muslim division with proposal to move Mohamed’s tomb

Second-holiest site in Islam attracts millions of pilgrims each year
Alexander Fury: The designer names to look for at fashion week this season

The big names to look for this fashion week

This week, designers begin to show their spring 2015 collections in New York
Will Self: 'I like Orwell's writing as much as the next talented mediocrity'

'I like Orwell's writing as much as the next talented mediocrity'

Will Self takes aim at Orwell's rules for writing plain English
Meet Afghanistan's middle-class paint-ballers

Meet Afghanistan's middle-class paint-ballers

Toy guns proving a popular diversion in a country flooded with the real thing