I am something of a stranger to the art of hair straightening. So I was surprised to learn just how popular this occult practice is. According to Mintel, one in three women own straighteners, one in four refuse to go out without using them, and one in five men have invested in a totally butch set, "with a masculine image such as larger hand grips", ahem.
It's tempting to ask where are all these saddos who can't leave home without poker-straight hair, but I suppose the question answers itself: they're either stuck in front of a mirror trying not to burn their scalps, or running home in a panic because they've left their straighteners on.
Crikey, some people have boring lives.
I don't have a "type", but by a strange coincidence every man I have ever found attractive has been tall and dark-haired with a big brain and nice glasses.
It's a worry, then, that Prince Charles appears to have slipped into that category. The Prince came out as a spectacle-wearer at a dinner for British Asians at St James's Palace last week, instantly adding gravitas and thoughtfulness to his ageing face.
I'm not saying that he was hot or anything, but a great deal of semiotics came across in those humble specs. Charles's tortoiseshell pair is similar to an NHS version (he's an ordinary, fallible man of the people), almost identical to those worn by Camilla (they're a perfect match) and narrow enough to be pushed down his nose with a piercing stare, in the manner perfected by David Dimbleby (he's a force to be reckoned with, dontcha know).
Clarence House remained tight-lipped about the royal myopia, but he really should be working those specs. While Wills and Kate make the monarchy popular with tweenies more used to squealing for Justin Bieber, Charles can focus on raising its profile with a more mature audience – the kind who appreciate a John Hegley, Marcus Brigstocke or Jon Tickle type.
Now please excuse me while I swoon.Reuse content