So, in the space of one week, the triumvirate of trendy that is Kate Moss, Nigel Farage and Eva Braun all turn out to be fans of smoking. Gosh, it must be sooooo cool. Unseen photographs were released last week showing Braun enjoying a quiet ciggie, as well as in blackface and snuggling up to Hitler. At the same time, Kate wheezed down the catwalk with a fag hanging out of her mouth. And, get this: it was on No Smoking Day! What a rebel! (What is she, 14 or something?) Immediately, Ukip's farcical leader, Mr Farage, released a statement saying, "Kate Moss and I have something in common besides the fashion sense – we both smoked on No Smoking Day." (What is he, 12 or something?) Seriously: it took James Dean et al a long time to make smoking tobacco seem attractive; this lot have just spoiled a century of iconic cinema imagery in the space of three days. Ms Moss is, of course, already famous for her counterproductive style of leadership. In 2009, she revealed that her motto is: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Maybe if she had ever tasted a lamb jalfrezi or cheese on toast instead of the lingering aroma of Lambert & Butler she might feel differently. Remember, girls: nothing looks as good as fusilli bolognese tastes – especially not Kate Moss.
I confess, I have not always been a fan of Lily Allen, but you have to admit that she has cojones somewhere in that little ballgown. In a documentary to be shown on Channel 4 on Tuesday, she reveals the diet secrets that led to her much-praised weight loss in 2009: the secrets include misery, depression, and making herself sick after meals. "I'm a pop star not a model," she says. "Don't make me feel shit for not being really skinny and having an eating disorder." Not that her looks are any of my business, but for what it's worth, Lily, you're an exceptionally good-looking woman with an enviable figure and an infuriating knack for writing catchy pop tunes. What's more, you probably smell quite a lot nicer than Kate Moss.