Lucy Caldwell: The Story So Far...

Share

When my best friend Alice was five she asked her mother how you got babies. "Well," her mum said, "you just be yourself and be nice to people and you'll make lots of friends. And one day, one of those friends will ask you to marry him and then you'll have babies."

This story came up one night when we were out with our other best friend, Amalia, discussing the year that's passed, and our hopes and dreams for the year to come. And we realised that between the three of us, we'd only ever asked a boy out once (and that was when Alice was barely 11 so it didn't count).

Now, Alice is a willowy blonde and Amalia a doe-eyed Swede and neither of them is ever short of admirers. But - we decided - as 25-year-old women living in the 21st century we should, dammit, be plucking up the courage to pick up the phone ourselves, instead of whiling away the time in ivory towers waiting for stray princes to come riding by. So in a flush of resolve we decided that that would be our New Year's resolution.

After we'd toasted this and replenished our glasses, we fell to wondering how you actually went about asking someone out these days.

We came up with a hypothetical scenario. If a girl was to meet a guy on - say - a GQ photoshoot, and he was really sharp and stylish and intelligent, then instead of sitting around dreaming (she's a dreamy type of girl, this girl) or hoping he'd call, she should do something like finding out his e-mail address and e-mailing him. But, we agreed, that's a bit boring.

Then, in a flash of inspiration, it came to us that - and this scenario is entirely hypothetical, of course - if our heroine happened to have a column in a national broadsheet she could make it into a sort of billet doux. The guy in question would surely be won over by such a breathtakingly gutsy scheme, we agreed, and we congratulated ourselves on our sheer (if theoretical) bravado.

Almost immediately though we realised the flaw in our masterplan. There could be no guarantee whatsoever that the intended recipient would happen to read that column, in that paper, on that particular day. We were stumped. And we were also well into our second bottle of rosé at that point, so we ditched the entire project and decided to go dancing instead.

I concluded, then, that as far as New Year's resolutions are concerned, perhaps I'd better just stick to something like attempting to read War and Peace. It's a trusty old one: it's done me for the past three or four years, anyway. Oh dear. Happy New Year.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Spanish Speaking

£17000 - £21000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - German Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Japanese Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: If you are fluent in Japanese a...

Recruitment Genius: Graphic Designer - Immediate Start

£16000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Dom Joly owns a pig. That thinks it's a dog.  

I'll bow out. Let Wilbur, the pig that thinks it's a dog, bring home the bacon

Dom Joly
 

Forget charging by the page - with books, heart matters more than heft

Katy Guest
The Greek referendum exposes a gaping hole at the heart of the European Union – its distinct lack of any genuine popular legitimacy

Gaping hole at the heart of the European Union

Treatment of Greece has shown up a lack of genuine legitimacy
Number of young homeless in Britain 'more than three times the official figures'

'Everything changed when I went to the hostel'

Number of young homeless people in Britain is 'more than three times the official figures'
Compton Cricket Club

Compton Cricket Club

Portraits of LA cricketers from notorious suburb to be displayed in London
London now the global money-laundering centre for the drug trade, says crime expert

Wlecome to London, drug money-laundering centre for the world

'Mexico is its heart and London is its head'
The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court that helps a winner keep on winning

The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court

It helps a winner keep on winning
Is this the future of flying: battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks?

Is this the future of flying?

Battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks
Isis are barbarians – but the Caliphate is a dream at the heart of all Muslim traditions

Isis are barbarians

but the Caliphate is an ancient Muslim ideal
The Brink's-Mat curse strikes again: three tons of stolen gold that brought only grief

Curse of Brink's Mat strikes again

Death of John 'Goldfinger' Palmer the latest killing related to 1983 heist
Greece debt crisis: 'The ministers talk to us about miracles' – why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum

'The ministers talk to us about miracles'

Why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum
Call of the wild: How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate

Call of the wild

How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate
Greece debt crisis: What happened to democracy when it’s a case of 'Vote Yes or else'?

'The economic collapse has happened. What is at risk now is democracy...'

If it doesn’t work in Europe, how is it supposed to work in India or the Middle East, asks Robert Fisk
The science of swearing: What lies behind the use of four-letter words?

The science of swearing

What lies behind the use of four-letter words?
The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won't have him back

The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won’t have him back
Africa on the menu: Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the continent

Africa on the menu

Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the hot new continent
Donna Karan is stepping down after 30 years - so who will fill the DKNY creator's boots?

Who will fill Donna Karan's boots?

The designer is stepping down as Chief Designer of DKNY after 30 years. Alexander Fury looks back at the career of 'America's Chanel'