Mark Steel: Starve the Greeks and they'll feel better

The bill for rubber stamps alone comes to twice that of the defence budget

Share
+More
Related Topics

Up until now the argument has been that there's no alternative. We have to slash public spending and wages because there's so much debt that otherwise there'll be chaos, absolute chaos. The joy of this method is it saves having to make a case for your actions, so it ought to be used more often. Journalists accused of phone hacking could say, "I had no choice but to listen to a dead soldier's voicemail because otherwise there'd be chaos, absolute chaos. Just look at Greece, they didn't hack any phones and look at the mess they're in, there was no alternative."

So to stop the debt engulfing us we have to do things like shut down libraries. Because a glance at our economy tells you the biggest area of expenditure is libraries, the bill for rubber stamps alone coming to twice as much as the defence budget. It was excessive lending that led to the credit crisis, and what's the only place that exists solely to lend – libraries. Lend lend lend they go, the filthy heaps of financial ruin that they are, one Catherine Cookson paperback after another floating out of the door with not a thought for the impact on the balance of payments deficit.

Then this argument was applied to whole countries. The Greeks HAVE to accept the bailout terms of cuts in wages and spending, because there's no alternative. Most people must have assumed the Greeks were just wantonly blowing all of Europe's money, saying, "Let's get Elton John to scrub the Parthenon. He'll charge two million a day but the Germans will cough up so who cares."

But it turns out Greece includes some of the poorest areas of Europe, and these are the areas that will be affected the most by the proposed agreement, with reports that people could actually starve. So if they caused the crisis by not starving, what were they eating? Are there regions of Crete where villagers have been living off emerald flan? Are they saying, "We thought the state-funded puddings made from grated Van Gogh paintings would go on forever." So now they must be told, "If you don't starve there'll be chaos, so the quicker you start starving the better."

Maybe muggers will adopt this approach, and instead of pushing pensioners against a wall they'll tell them, "Give me your wallet, otherwise the whole of Europe will fall apart and it will be your fault." But now the situation is changing, because across Europe it's being suggested the poor shouldn't be the ones made to pay. In Britain for example it's been revealed the national debt is equivalent to the amount the richest 1,000 people have become richer by in the past four years. Presumably they can't be made to give it back, as they'd scream, "Please don't make us go back to the pitiful way we had to live in 2008, that's too cruel". But there may be a way round that, by politely pointing out, "Sorry Mr Ecclestone and Mr Abramovich, but there's no alternative."

React Now

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

I would have stood shoulder to shoulder with the Suffragettes

Jessica Haynes
In danger: the red squirrel  

Every creature's needless death diminishes us all

Philip Hoare
Andrew Mitchell: 'It's no good feeling hard done by'

Andrew Mitchell: 'It's no good feeling hard done by'

In his first interview since 'plebgate', the former Chief Whip opens up just enough to concede that, in politics, you have to take the rough with the smooth
Corruption and the FCO: Blue skies, white sands, dark clouds

Corruption and the FCO: Blue skies, white sands, dark clouds

Special report: Met police call for criminal inquiry into former diplomat's Cayman Islands rule
Fallen angel: Winona Ryder on bouncing back from her decade in the wilderness

Fallen angel: Winona Ryder bounces back

She owned the 1990s... but then she disappeared. Now, Ms Ryder is back with quite the bang in her latest role, as the wife of a notorious real-life Mob hitman.
Roman Polanski shakes Cannes Film Festival

Roman Polanski shakes Cannes Film Festival

The director's new film, 'Venus in Fur', is one of the raciest on offer
Rev Richard Coles: 'I don’t have any concerns that God is cross with me for being gay and eventually the Church won’t either'

Rev Richard Coles on the Church and homosexuality

The mellifluous, erudite and witty Coles is the nation's most pop-culture-friendly priest
'Baghdad likes to live from crisis to crisis': Civil war looms in Iraq

Patrick Cockburn: Civil war looms in Iraq

The governor of Kirkuk - one of the country's most violent but successful provinces - fears the worst
Written on the body: Tattooists at pains to point out their artistic credentials

Written on the body

Tattooists at pains to point out their artistic credentials
Conquering Everest: 60 facts about the world's tallest mountain

Conquering Everest: 60 facts about the world's tallest mountain

The IoS marks the sixtieth anniversary of Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay first reaching the peak of the highest mountain on Earth
A new, and irreversible, Dust Bowl looms

Rupert Cornwell: A new, and irreversible, Dust Bowl looms

The destructive power of tornadoes will be as nothing once the Great Plains' vast underground water reserve dries up
Every creature's needless death diminshes us all

Philip Hoare: Every creature's needless death diminishes us all

A 60 per cent decline in our national species should alarm us, yet few of us act. But to mind more about animals would reflect well on society
Killing with kindness: Burma's religious battleground - and the monks at the heart of it

Killing with kindness: Burma's religious battleground

Six years ago, the world cheered the monks behind Burma’s Saffron Revolution. Now, a horrific new eruption of religious slaughter is being blamed on a 'Buddhist Bin Laden'.
Let's take it outside: Bill Granger's Bank Holiday feast

Let's take it outside: Bill Granger's Bank Holiday feast

You can’t always depend on the weather – but you can avoid the pitfalls of the British barbecue by preparing an elaborate outdoor feast indoors ahead of time...
The Calvin report: Stirring Champions League final shows how far English game must advance

The Calvin report

Stirring Champions League final shows how far English game must advance
10 big questions for the British & Irish Lions to answer

10 big questions for the British & Irish Lions to answer

Warren Gatland's squad fly Down Under aiming to do justice to the expectations – and hoping the Wallabies stay in the pub
The Last Word: Golf must end the hypocrisy before its halo slips totally

The Last Word

Golf must end the hypocrisy before its halo slips totally