Paul Waugh: Typhoon of gossip surrounds new recruit for the Tory defence team

The Sketch

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. After years of being dismissed as "loony", "crackpot" or "bonkers" (© Parliamentary Labour Party), Dr Julian Lewis, MP for New Forest East and all-round leftie-baiter, finally ascended to the higher plane of the shadow front bench yesterday.

Making his debut at defence questions, the new shadow defence minister was quick to seize on delays to an altogether lower plane, the aircraft formerly known as Eurofighter – yet to get off the ground.

To make it sound a little less like a Tory activist, Eurofighter is now called Typhoon, although some tannin-starved MPs appeared to prefer calling it "Typhoo" yesterday.

Typhoo or no, the tea-room gossip among Tories was the sheer cheek of Lord Heseltine's suggestion that they execute a bloodless coup to get rid of Iain Duncan Smith. Dr Lewis, a strong backer of Mr Duncan Smith, would never suggest such a thing. But given his views on a range of issues (such as bringing back hanging), one suspects Labour MPs would love the new frontbencher to become Tory leader one day.

Dr Lewis is the man who, when he was deputy director of the Conservative Research Department, was described as making "Margaret Thatcher look left-wing". Of course, the very idea of a hard-right Thatcherite defence spokesman ever becoming leader is well, er ... recent history.

Dr Lewis certainly made a good fist of things on his first appearance at the dispatch box. He was worried about the UK's lack of preparedness for terrorist attacks. Ministers had revealed a civil contingencies reaction force would not be available until 2003, the Typhoon had been delayed until the same year and there were no anti-missile defences for nuclear power stations. "Will there be appropriate measures at least taken to protect British military facilities that may be soon in a state of war against a terrorist attack on this country?" he asked.

However, Geoff Hoon, (say it quickly enough and it even sounds like Typhoon) the Defence Secretary, couldn't resist having a dig at the new boy before ignoring the question. He "couldn't help but observe" that the Conservatives now have four defence spokesmen, compared with the Government's three defence ministers. "They obviously require reinforcements from the rear," he said in his best Carry On Sergeant voice, bringing guffaws from Labour.

Earlier, the substantial rear of Keith Simpson, another shadow defence minister, had made its generously upholstered presence felt on the front bench.

Mr Simpson, a super-sized teddy bear of a man, normally sits on the left of Bernard Jenkin, the shadow Defence Secretary, while Gerald Howarth, another defence spokesman, sits on his right. But the addition of Dr Lewis has upset this careful seating equilibrium.

After he had asked his own question at the dispatch box, Mr Simpson edged backwards and, rather than plonking himself on the end, dislodged Mr Jenkin.

The effect of this buttock-led game of musical chairs was to leave Mr Simpson looking like the boss and Mr Jenkin his junior. We keep being told the Conservatives are now in favour of bottom-up solutions, but surely this is going too far.

Simon Carr is away