Philip Hensher: Undecided? Take the gaydar challenge...


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The Independent Online

1. When you have guests for dinner, you cook from whose book:

A. Yotam Ottolenghi. B. Jamie Oliver.

2. Your favourite movie, like, EVER is:

A. Il Gattopardo. B. Sliding Doors.

3. Every May, do you habitually reconsider your style of sandals and length of shorts for the summer?

A. Of course! B. WTF?

4. Have you dressed in women's clothing?

A. No. B. All the time, on rugby club nights.

5. What Olympic tickets did you apply for?

A. Greco-roman wrestling. B. Dressage, archery, athletics.

6. Have you ever said "I love gay people – they're great."

A. You've got to be kidding. B. Yes! They really are great! Some of them are my best friends!

7. Have you ever had a dream where you were best friends with EITHER the Queen or Katie Price?

A. Yes. B. No, but once I had this really weird dream where I was on Clapham High Street with no clothes on, but it felt, like really normal, which is weird, really.

8. When you're with your friends, do you tend to talk about

A The building work you're having done. B The choice of local schools.

9. The bottle of cologne on your bathroom shelf has a name which includes one of the following words:

A. Musk, Geranium, Fougere, Emission.

B. Sport, Acier, Blue, Steel.

10. Do you bitterly retain views about the winners of Project Catwalk, X Factor, Big Brother, the Tory leadership election or the Eurovision Song Contest from more than five years ago?

A. Yes. B. No.

Mostly As You're probably a gay man.

Mostly Bs You're probably straight.

As and Bs Either you're undecided, or you've got twice the chance of a Saturday night date.