Rhodri Marsden: A leaky window... and lifestyle tips from Going Live's Emma Forbes

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

As a torrential downpour lashed against the knackered windows of my flat and I mopped up rainwater from the sill using a sodden tea towel, my friend Jenny looked up from her laptop and advised me of some breaking news: former Going Live presenter Emma Forbes was currently flaunting her curves on the beach in Barbados. The website offered an open invitation to debate this issue live on its message boards, but I had trouble forming a coherent opinion. It was the same with the Higgs-Boson particle. Besides, I had a tea towel to wring out.

 

It turns out that Emma has a website, forbesstyle.com, that repositions her as some kind of lifestyle guru. "Lifestyle" is a word that makes my eyeballs bleed, and "guru" doesn't do much to clean up the resultant mess, but I had a look anyway, because I'm intrepid. I have nothing against Emma – I mean, how could I, she's lovely – but I became intrigued by the level of self-belief that leads someone to uphold themselves as a model of modern living. After all, lifestyle gurus don't deliver much expertise; if anything, they offer gentle advice on how to derive marginal pleasure benefits from already pleasurable situations. "How to enjoy celebrating in style," read one strapline, as if our previously unguided attempts at stylish celebration had been fraught with stabbings, lawsuits and cholera.

I often feel I need guidance in life, help with alleviating the middle-class suffering associated with the ownership of food processors and holistic skincare products. But successful people with perfect smiles make me feel worse; I prefer to learn from the mistakes of those who repeatedly balls things up. The writer Willie Donaldson once said "You cannot live as I have lived and not end up like this," and his biography is a perfect warning from history as to why you shouldn't squander a fortune on cocaine and scavenge for food on beaches. If you're thinking, well, that's obvious, I feel the same about online advice concerning the contents of a goodbye giftbag.

Seriously, put whatever you like in there. It doesn't matter. It's a goodbye giftbag, not a British Army 24-hour operational ration pack. Having said all the above, if Emma Forbes can tell me why rainwater continues to pour through my seemingly impregnable double-glazed living room window, I take back all the above and apologise unreservedly.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Spanish Speaking

£17000 - £21000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - German Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Japanese Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: If you are fluent in Japanese a...

Recruitment Genius: Graphic Designer - Immediate Start

£16000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Dom Joly owns a pig. That thinks it's a dog.  

I'll bow out. Let Wilbur, the pig that thinks it's a dog, bring home the bacon

Dom Joly
 

Forget charging by the page - with books, heart matters more than heft

Katy Guest
The Greek referendum exposes a gaping hole at the heart of the European Union – its distinct lack of any genuine popular legitimacy

Gaping hole at the heart of the European Union

Treatment of Greece has shown up a lack of genuine legitimacy
Number of young homeless in Britain 'more than three times the official figures'

'Everything changed when I went to the hostel'

Number of young homeless people in Britain is 'more than three times the official figures'
Compton Cricket Club

Compton Cricket Club

Portraits of LA cricketers from notorious suburb to be displayed in London
London now the global money-laundering centre for the drug trade, says crime expert

Wlecome to London, drug money-laundering centre for the world

'Mexico is its heart and London is its head'
The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court that helps a winner keep on winning

The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court

It helps a winner keep on winning
Is this the future of flying: battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks?

Is this the future of flying?

Battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks
Isis are barbarians – but the Caliphate is a dream at the heart of all Muslim traditions

Isis are barbarians

but the Caliphate is an ancient Muslim ideal
The Brink's-Mat curse strikes again: three tons of stolen gold that brought only grief

Curse of Brink's Mat strikes again

Death of John 'Goldfinger' Palmer the latest killing related to 1983 heist
Greece debt crisis: 'The ministers talk to us about miracles' – why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum

'The ministers talk to us about miracles'

Why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum
Call of the wild: How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate

Call of the wild

How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate
Greece debt crisis: What happened to democracy when it’s a case of 'Vote Yes or else'?

'The economic collapse has happened. What is at risk now is democracy...'

If it doesn’t work in Europe, how is it supposed to work in India or the Middle East, asks Robert Fisk
The science of swearing: What lies behind the use of four-letter words?

The science of swearing

What lies behind the use of four-letter words?
The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won't have him back

The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won’t have him back
Africa on the menu: Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the continent

Africa on the menu

Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the hot new continent
Donna Karan is stepping down after 30 years - so who will fill the DKNY creator's boots?

Who will fill Donna Karan's boots?

The designer is stepping down as Chief Designer of DKNY after 30 years. Alexander Fury looks back at the career of 'America's Chanel'