Rhodri Marsden: What do you say to a model who's standing around in bra and pants?

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

An improbable sequence of events ended with me loitering backstage at a lingerie show at Paris Fashion Week surrounded by models standing about in bra and pants. You'd be forgiven for thinking that this is the overture to a dubious fantasy tale that ends with said women begging: "But Rhodri! You cannot go! Some of us have yet to experience your barely-adequate half-Welsh sexual technique!" But no, this actually happened, and the story ends with me leaving the building without any lingerie models even noticing, let alone begging.

The sight of models standing about in bra and pants is, in theory, an appealing one for a heterosexual man aged 41 who's never seen models standing about in bra and pants before. In olden-ish times, gazing at pictures in catalogues of models standing about in bra and pants was a formative experience for young boys – although my own sexual awakening consisted of gazing at pictures of distributor caps in a Halfords catalogue. But this Parisian experience was strange and unsettling. I didn't know whether to look or not to look. Somehow I managed to do neither.

Other men weren't so troubled. A chirpy bloke turned to me with a big grin on his face and said, "Phwoaaargh, eh?" I laughed nervously. "I bet your glasses are steaming up now, eh?" he added, conspiratorially. I should have bet him £1,000, because they weren't, but I took them off and cleaned them anyway, partly to dutifully complete the joke, partly to avoid eye contact with models standing about in bra and pants. I mean, what do you say do a model standing about in bra and pants? "Good evening, madam, I like your bra"?

The show started. I stood at the side of the stage to watch my girlfriend, whose role it was to stand (fully clothed) on a platform and provide the music to which the models sashayed back and forth, in that curious way they do, like gazelles with a slight knee injury. As I took some souvenir pictures of this bizarre moment, I suddenly became aware of how I must look. A short-sighted man, with thick glasses, in a grubby macintosh and battered hat, taking photographs of women in their bra and pants. To avoid Paris Fashion Week turning into an episode of The Benny Hill Show, I sighed and put the camera away.

React Now

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Online Advertising Account Executive , St Pauls , London

£26K-30k + Bonus, Private Medical Insurance, Company Pension: Charter Selectio...

Advertising Account Executive - Online, Central London

£25K-28k + Bonus, Private Medical Insurance, Company Pension: Charter Selectio...

Senior Infrastructure Consultant

£50000 - £65000 Per Annum potentially flexible for the right candidate: Clearw...

Public Sector Audit - Bristol

£38000 per annum + Benefits: Pro-Recruitment Group: Do you have experience of ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Wages are on the rise (so long as you skew the figures)

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
 

It’s two decades since ‘education, education, education’, but still Britain’s primary school admissions are a farce

Jane Merrick
Ricky Gervais: 'People are waiting for me to fail. If you think it's awful, then just don't watch it'

Ricky Gervais: 'People are waiting for me to fail'

As the second series of his divisive sitcom 'Derek' hits screens, the comedian tells James Rampton why he'll never bow to the critics who habitually circle his work
Mad Men series 7, TV review: The suits are still sharp, but Don Draper has lost his edge

Mad Men returns for a final fling

The suits are still sharp, but Don Draper has lost his edge
Google finds a lift into space will never get off the ground as there is no material strong enough for a cable from Earth into orbit

Google finds a lift into space will never get off the ground

Technology giant’s scientists say there is no material strong enough for a cable from Earth into orbit
Westminster is awash with tales of young men being sexually harassed - but it's far from being just a problem in politics

Is sexual harassment a fact of gay life?

Westminster is awash with tales of young men being sexually harassed - but it's far from being just a problem in politics
Moshi Monster creator Michael Acton Smith: The man behind a British success story

Moshi Monster creator Michael Acton Smith

Acton Smith launched a world of virtual creatures who took the real world by storm
Kim Jong-un's haircut: The Independent heads to Ealing to try out the dictator's do

Our journalist tries out Kim Jong-un's haircut

The North Korean embassy in London complained when M&M Hair Academy used Kim Jong-un's image in the window. Curious, Guy Pewsey heads to the hair salon and surrenders to the clippers
A History of the First World War in 100 moments: A forgotten naval victory in which even Nature played a part

A History of the First World War in 100 moments

A forgotten naval victory in which even Nature played a part
Vespa rides on with launch of Primavera: Iconic Italian scooter still revving up millions of sales

Vespa rides on with launch of the Primavera

The Vespa has been a style icon since the 1950s and the release this month of its latest model confirms it has lost little of its lustre
Record Store Day: Independent music shops can offer a tempting alternative to downloads

Record Store Day celebrates independent music shops

This Saturday sees a host of events around the country to champion the sellers of well-grooved wax
Taunton's policy of putting philosophy at heart of its curriculum is one of secrets of its success

Education: Secret of Taunton's success

Taunton School, in Somerset, is one of the country's leading independent schools, says Richard Garner
10 best smartphones

10 best smartphones

With a number of new smartphones on the market, we round up the best around, including some more established models
Mickey Arthur: Aussie tells ECB to stick with Ashley Giles

Mickey Arthur: Aussie tells ECB to stick with Ashley Giles

The former Australia coach on why England must keep to Plan A, about his shock at their collapse Down Under, why he sent players home from India and the agonies of losing his job
Homelessness: Why is the supported lodgings lifeline under threat?

Why is the supported lodgings lifeline under threat?

Zubairi Sentongo swapped poverty in Uganda for homelessness in Britain. But a YMCA scheme connected him with a couple offering warmth and shelter
A History of the First World War in 100 Moments: When the world’s biggest shed took over Regent’s Park

A History of the First World War in 100 Moments

When the world’s biggest shed took over Regent’s Park
The pain of IVF

The pain of IVF

As an Italian woman vows to keep the babies from someone else’s eggs, Julian Baggini ponders how the reality of childbirth is often messier than the natural ideal