Rhodri Marsden: What do you say to a model who's standing around in bra and pants?

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

An improbable sequence of events ended with me loitering backstage at a lingerie show at Paris Fashion Week surrounded by models standing about in bra and pants. You'd be forgiven for thinking that this is the overture to a dubious fantasy tale that ends with said women begging: "But Rhodri! You cannot go! Some of us have yet to experience your barely-adequate half-Welsh sexual technique!" But no, this actually happened, and the story ends with me leaving the building without any lingerie models even noticing, let alone begging.

The sight of models standing about in bra and pants is, in theory, an appealing one for a heterosexual man aged 41 who's never seen models standing about in bra and pants before. In olden-ish times, gazing at pictures in catalogues of models standing about in bra and pants was a formative experience for young boys – although my own sexual awakening consisted of gazing at pictures of distributor caps in a Halfords catalogue. But this Parisian experience was strange and unsettling. I didn't know whether to look or not to look. Somehow I managed to do neither.

Other men weren't so troubled. A chirpy bloke turned to me with a big grin on his face and said, "Phwoaaargh, eh?" I laughed nervously. "I bet your glasses are steaming up now, eh?" he added, conspiratorially. I should have bet him £1,000, because they weren't, but I took them off and cleaned them anyway, partly to dutifully complete the joke, partly to avoid eye contact with models standing about in bra and pants. I mean, what do you say do a model standing about in bra and pants? "Good evening, madam, I like your bra"?

The show started. I stood at the side of the stage to watch my girlfriend, whose role it was to stand (fully clothed) on a platform and provide the music to which the models sashayed back and forth, in that curious way they do, like gazelles with a slight knee injury. As I took some souvenir pictures of this bizarre moment, I suddenly became aware of how I must look. A short-sighted man, with thick glasses, in a grubby macintosh and battered hat, taking photographs of women in their bra and pants. To avoid Paris Fashion Week turning into an episode of The Benny Hill Show, I sighed and put the camera away.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Credit Controller - Part-time / Maternity Cover

£10400 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An experienced Credit Controller is requ...

Recruitment Genius: Project Manager / CAD Engineer

£18000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is the UK subsidia...

Recruitment Genius: Graduate Trainee

£15000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This Cloud ERP Solution Provide...

MBDA UK Ltd: Supply Chain Manager

Competitive salary & benefits!: MBDA UK Ltd: What’s the opportunity?   This is...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Daily catch-up: £12bn welfare spending cuts – more achievable in theory than in practice

John Rentoul
 

Clean energy should be our mission to the moon

Martin Rees
On your feet! Spending at least two hours a day standing reduces the risk of heart attacks, cancer and diabetes, according to new research

On your feet!

Spending half the day standing 'reduces risk of heart attacks and cancer'
Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Reds baulk at Christian Benteke £32.5m release clause
With scores of surgeries closing, what hope is there for the David Cameron's promise of 5,000 more GPs and a 24/7 NHS?

The big NHS question

Why are there so few new GPs when so many want to study medicine?
Big knickers are back: Thongs ain't what they used to be

Thongs ain't what they used to be

Big knickers are back
Thurston Moore interview

Thurston Moore interview

On living in London, Sonic Youth and musical memoirs
In full bloom

In full bloom

Floral print womenswear
From leading man to Elephant Man, Bradley Cooper is terrific

From leading man to Elephant Man

Bradley Cooper is terrific
In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

Dame Colette Bowe - interview
When do the creative juices dry up?

When do the creative juices dry up?

David Lodge thinks he knows
The 'Cher moment' happening across fashion just now

Fashion's Cher moment

Ageing beauty will always be more classy than all that booty
Thousands of teenage girls enduring debilitating illnesses after routine school cancer vaccination

Health fears over school cancer jab

Shock new Freedom of Information figures show how thousands of girls have suffered serious symptoms after routine HPV injection
Fifa President Sepp Blatter warns his opponents: 'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

Fifa president Sepp Blatter issues defiant warning to opponents
Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report

Weather warning

Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report
LSD: Speaking to volunteer users of the drug as trials get underway to see if it cures depression and addiction

High hopes for LSD

Meet the volunteer users helping to see if it cures depression and addiction
German soldier who died fighting for UK in Battle of Waterloo should be removed from museum display and given dignified funeral, say historians

Saving Private Brandt

A Belgian museum's display of the skeleton of a soldier killed at Waterloo prompts calls for him to be given a dignified funeral