Simon Carr: Mr Keynes' funny farm... a bullock outfoxes the fox

Sketch: Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no

Share
Related Topics

What great good form the Prime Minister's on. He can't conceal the thrill in his voice or the bounce in his step. What eagerness he has to make his points. Everyone agrees with him, you know. All the world leaders. He's just come back from seeing them. They're doing what he says they should do. That's what everyone's saying. The problem came from America, the solution was made in Britain. Its name? It begins with Gordon ...

On the Tory front bench Cameron sat with his foxy expression, looking a little sharp around the front of his face. Osbo looked sick. It was a big moment for them. George has been accused of "talking down the currency". Criticism is a form of disloyalty. It is one of the Prime Minister's less attractive postures.

So what lines had the young Tories crafted for us at this moment of drama? We had "the tax con". We had "the borrowing bombshell". And the thought that "tax cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas".

Did that raise the roof? I didn't notice such a thing. Was Gordon pulped or pulverised or dismantled into his constituent parts? Not noticeably. Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no.

In another word: unforgivable.

How can Gordon Brown get away with saying the Tories are inconsistent? How can he begin 10 sentences with the words, "They were wrong when ..."

He is now doing the four-letter opposite of everything he has bellowed and bullied at us for a decade. And yet he isn't ridiculous. His neo-Keynesianism is the very thing that got us into this mess by buying off two mini-recessions, and Keynes would be appalled by it. But the sheer bullocky energy of the man seems to lift him slightly out of his skin.

The intensity of his politicisation of the situation is, frankly, psychotic. He is creating his own reality. He's on the way now – but it suits him.

Cameron reads out things Brown said as shadow Chancellor: the one about a weak currency caused by a weak economy caused by a weak government – and seeks to tie the words to his tail.

It just doesn't seem to work. I don't know why it doesn't or what Cameron could say to make it do so. He does need a story, he does need one of them.

The trouble is, a proper Conservative narrative says that recessions are necessary – like winters are. We need downturns. We need short sellers (yes, it was a short seller in California in fact who "called time on debt" by selling property short). Repossessions, bankruptcy, failure, these are the drivers of our economy.

Turning that into a popular discourse is a tall order. But I'm not sure they've even tried.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Web Designer / Front End Developer

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast expanding web managem...

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey / South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey/ South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Ashdown Group: Recruitment Consultant / Account Manager - Surrey / SW London

£40000 per annum + realistic targets: Ashdown Group: A thriving recruitment co...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Why it won’t be the i wot won it – our promise to you

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
A relative of dead Bangladeshi blogger Washiqur Rahman reacts after seeing his body at Dhaka Medical College in Dhaka on March 30,  

Atheists are being hacked to death in Bangladesh, and soon there will be none left

Rory Fenton
No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor