Simon Carr: Mr Keynes' funny farm... a bullock outfoxes the fox

Sketch: Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no

Share
Related Topics

What great good form the Prime Minister's on. He can't conceal the thrill in his voice or the bounce in his step. What eagerness he has to make his points. Everyone agrees with him, you know. All the world leaders. He's just come back from seeing them. They're doing what he says they should do. That's what everyone's saying. The problem came from America, the solution was made in Britain. Its name? It begins with Gordon ...

On the Tory front bench Cameron sat with his foxy expression, looking a little sharp around the front of his face. Osbo looked sick. It was a big moment for them. George has been accused of "talking down the currency". Criticism is a form of disloyalty. It is one of the Prime Minister's less attractive postures.

So what lines had the young Tories crafted for us at this moment of drama? We had "the tax con". We had "the borrowing bombshell". And the thought that "tax cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas".

Did that raise the roof? I didn't notice such a thing. Was Gordon pulped or pulverised or dismantled into his constituent parts? Not noticeably. Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no.

In another word: unforgivable.

How can Gordon Brown get away with saying the Tories are inconsistent? How can he begin 10 sentences with the words, "They were wrong when ..."

He is now doing the four-letter opposite of everything he has bellowed and bullied at us for a decade. And yet he isn't ridiculous. His neo-Keynesianism is the very thing that got us into this mess by buying off two mini-recessions, and Keynes would be appalled by it. But the sheer bullocky energy of the man seems to lift him slightly out of his skin.

The intensity of his politicisation of the situation is, frankly, psychotic. He is creating his own reality. He's on the way now – but it suits him.

Cameron reads out things Brown said as shadow Chancellor: the one about a weak currency caused by a weak economy caused by a weak government – and seeks to tie the words to his tail.

It just doesn't seem to work. I don't know why it doesn't or what Cameron could say to make it do so. He does need a story, he does need one of them.

The trouble is, a proper Conservative narrative says that recessions are necessary – like winters are. We need downturns. We need short sellers (yes, it was a short seller in California in fact who "called time on debt" by selling property short). Repossessions, bankruptcy, failure, these are the drivers of our economy.

Turning that into a popular discourse is a tall order. But I'm not sure they've even tried.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Employment Solicitor

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: MANCHESTER - Senior Employment Solici...

Senior Risk Manager - Banking - London - £650

£600 - £650 per day: Orgtel: Conduct Risk Liaison Manager - Banking - London -...

Commercial Litigation Associate

Highly Attractive Package: Austen Lloyd: CITY - COMMERCIAL LITIGATION - GLOBAL...

Systems Manager - Dynamics AX

£65000 - £75000 per annum + Benefits: Progressive Recruitment: The client is a...

Day In a Page

Read Next
The economy expanded by 0.8 per cent in the second quarter of 2014  

Government hails latest GDP figures, but there is still room for scepticism over this 'glorious recovery'

Ben Chu
Comedy queen: Miranda Hart has said that she is excited about working on the new film  

There is no such thing as a middle-class laugh

David Lister
Evan Davis: The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing to take over at Newsnight

The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing

What will Evan Davis be like on Newsnight?
Finding the names for America’s shame: What happens to the immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert?

Finding the names for America’s shame

The immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert
Inside a church for Born Again Christians: Speaking to God in a Manchester multiplex

Inside a church for Born Again Christians

As Britain's Anglican church struggles to establish its modern identity, one branch of Christianity is booming
Rihanna, Kim Kardashian and me: How Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Parisian couturier Pierre Balmain made his name dressing the mid-century jet set. Today, Olivier Rousteing – heir to the house Pierre built – is celebrating their 21st-century equivalents. The result? Nothing short of Balmania
Cancer, cardiac arrest, HIV and homelessness - and he's only 39

Incredible survival story of David Tovey

Tovey went from cooking for the Queen to rifling through bins for his supper. His is a startling story of endurance against the odds – and of a social safety net failing at every turn
Backhanders, bribery and abuses of power have soared in China as economy surges

Bribery and abuses of power soar in China

The bribery is fuelled by the surge in China's economy but the rules of corruption are subtle and unspoken, finds Evan Osnos, as he learns the dark arts from a master
Commonwealth Games 2014: Highland terriers stole the show at the opening ceremony

Highland terriers steal the show at opening ceremony

Gillian Orr explores why a dog loved by film stars and presidents is finally having its day
German art world rocked as artists use renowned fat sculpture to distil schnapps

Brewing the fat from artwork angers widow of sculptor

Part of Joseph Beuys' 1982 sculpture 'Fettecke' used to distil schnapps
BBC's The Secret History of Our Streets reveals a fascinating window into Britain's past

BBC takes viewers back down memory lane

The Secret History of Our Streets, which returns with three films looking at Scottish streets, is the inverse of Benefits Street - delivering warmth instead of cynicism
Joe, film review: Nicolas Cage delivers an astonishing performance in low budget drama

Nicolas Cage shines in low-budget drama Joe

Cage plays an ex-con in David Gordon Green's independent drama, which has been adapted from a novel by Larry Brown
How to make your own gourmet ice lollies, granitas, slushy cocktails and frozen yoghurt

Make your own ice lollies and frozen yoghurt

Think outside the cool box for this summer's tempting frozen treats
Ford Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time, with sales topping 4.1 million since 1976

Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time

Sales have topped 4.1 million since 1976. To celebrate this milestone, four Independent writers recall their Fiestas with pride
10 best reed diffusers

Heaven scent: 10 best reed diffusers

Keep your rooms smelling summery and fresh with one of these subtle but distinctive home fragrances that’ll last you months
Commonwealth Games 2014: Female boxers set to compete for first time

Female boxers set to compete at Commonwealth Games for first time

There’s no favourites and with no headguards anything could happen
Five things we’ve learned so far about Manchester United under Louis van Gaal

Five things we’ve learned so far about United under Van Gaal

It’s impossible to avoid the impression that the Dutch manager is playing to the gallery a little