Simon Carr: Mr Keynes' funny farm... a bullock outfoxes the fox

Sketch: Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no

Share
Related Topics

What great good form the Prime Minister's on. He can't conceal the thrill in his voice or the bounce in his step. What eagerness he has to make his points. Everyone agrees with him, you know. All the world leaders. He's just come back from seeing them. They're doing what he says they should do. That's what everyone's saying. The problem came from America, the solution was made in Britain. Its name? It begins with Gordon ...

On the Tory front bench Cameron sat with his foxy expression, looking a little sharp around the front of his face. Osbo looked sick. It was a big moment for them. George has been accused of "talking down the currency". Criticism is a form of disloyalty. It is one of the Prime Minister's less attractive postures.

So what lines had the young Tories crafted for us at this moment of drama? We had "the tax con". We had "the borrowing bombshell". And the thought that "tax cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas".

Did that raise the roof? I didn't notice such a thing. Was Gordon pulped or pulverised or dismantled into his constituent parts? Not noticeably. Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no.

In another word: unforgivable.

How can Gordon Brown get away with saying the Tories are inconsistent? How can he begin 10 sentences with the words, "They were wrong when ..."

He is now doing the four-letter opposite of everything he has bellowed and bullied at us for a decade. And yet he isn't ridiculous. His neo-Keynesianism is the very thing that got us into this mess by buying off two mini-recessions, and Keynes would be appalled by it. But the sheer bullocky energy of the man seems to lift him slightly out of his skin.

The intensity of his politicisation of the situation is, frankly, psychotic. He is creating his own reality. He's on the way now – but it suits him.

Cameron reads out things Brown said as shadow Chancellor: the one about a weak currency caused by a weak economy caused by a weak government – and seeks to tie the words to his tail.

It just doesn't seem to work. I don't know why it doesn't or what Cameron could say to make it do so. He does need a story, he does need one of them.

The trouble is, a proper Conservative narrative says that recessions are necessary – like winters are. We need downturns. We need short sellers (yes, it was a short seller in California in fact who "called time on debt" by selling property short). Repossessions, bankruptcy, failure, these are the drivers of our economy.

Turning that into a popular discourse is a tall order. But I'm not sure they've even tried.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Spanish Speaking

£17000 - £21000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - German Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Administrator - Japanese Speaking

£17000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: If you are fluent in Japanese a...

Recruitment Genius: Graphic Designer - Immediate Start

£16000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Dom Joly owns a pig. That thinks it's a dog.  

I'll bow out. Let Wilbur, the pig that thinks it's a dog, bring home the bacon

Dom Joly
 

Forget charging by the page - with books, heart matters more than heft

Katy Guest
The Greek referendum exposes a gaping hole at the heart of the European Union – its distinct lack of any genuine popular legitimacy

Gaping hole at the heart of the European Union

Treatment of Greece has shown up a lack of genuine legitimacy
Number of young homeless in Britain 'more than three times the official figures'

'Everything changed when I went to the hostel'

Number of young homeless people in Britain is 'more than three times the official figures'
Compton Cricket Club

Compton Cricket Club

Portraits of LA cricketers from notorious suburb to be displayed in London
London now the global money-laundering centre for the drug trade, says crime expert

Wlecome to London, drug money-laundering centre for the world

'Mexico is its heart and London is its head'
The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court that helps a winner keep on winning

The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court

It helps a winner keep on winning
Is this the future of flying: battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks?

Is this the future of flying?

Battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks
Isis are barbarians – but the Caliphate is a dream at the heart of all Muslim traditions

Isis are barbarians

but the Caliphate is an ancient Muslim ideal
The Brink's-Mat curse strikes again: three tons of stolen gold that brought only grief

Curse of Brink's Mat strikes again

Death of John 'Goldfinger' Palmer the latest killing related to 1983 heist
Greece debt crisis: 'The ministers talk to us about miracles' – why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum

'The ministers talk to us about miracles'

Why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum
Call of the wild: How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate

Call of the wild

How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate
Greece debt crisis: What happened to democracy when it’s a case of 'Vote Yes or else'?

'The economic collapse has happened. What is at risk now is democracy...'

If it doesn’t work in Europe, how is it supposed to work in India or the Middle East, asks Robert Fisk
The science of swearing: What lies behind the use of four-letter words?

The science of swearing

What lies behind the use of four-letter words?
The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won't have him back

The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won’t have him back
Africa on the menu: Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the continent

Africa on the menu

Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the hot new continent
Donna Karan is stepping down after 30 years - so who will fill the DKNY creator's boots?

Who will fill Donna Karan's boots?

The designer is stepping down as Chief Designer of DKNY after 30 years. Alexander Fury looks back at the career of 'America's Chanel'