Simon Carr: Spit it out, Yvette. It's meant to be an Urgent Question

Sketch: David Davis praised the police as having upped their game since the G20 demos – fair play, they didn't actually kill anyone

Share
Related Topics

"The claim that Labour was quasily satisf – wasily kwai – that the Leazily of the Lazy party was – I'm sorry," Yvette Cooper said after her Stanley Unwin episode, and without the ghost of a smile, "I want to quote the Mayor accurately".

Labour was greatly exercised by Boris Johnson's assertion that Labour leaders were "quietly satisfied" with the violence on Saturday. And you can see why – it was the Conservative Party denouncing "mindless thuggery" who were quietly satisfied with the violence. Direct action from the left reflected badly on Labour, not on the Government – and that was doubtless why Yvette Cooper was granted her Urgent Question: "Why is Labour getting the blame!" It was more of an Urgent Yelp than Urgent Question.

No, what will "quietly satisfy" Labour will be a thumping recession and three million unemployed.

Theresa May said that the message from the demo was clear. "You will be caught and you will be punished." A nice young Marxist I know was caught in Fortnums. He's been punished by the ruthless apparatus of the fascist state: a condition of bail is that he's been banned from the royal wedding.

They might as well be pulling the trigger themselves.

We do know that Labour has lost the scale of what's going on. The marchers were likened by Ed Miliband to the great freedom fighting movements of history, and Jim Sheridan in the Commons suggested fighter jets be redeployed from Libya to set up a no-fly zone over Labour HQ. Hang on, he might have been joking; he's got a remarkably deadpan style. As does Jim Sheridan.

David Davis praised the police as having upped their game since the G20 demos – fair play, they didn't actually kill anyone. But he warned against one ex-policeman's request made in The Times for "dawn raids and snatch squads. That's the sort of thing we expect in Tripoli," he said.

PS We had two Milibands sitting in the chamber, one right behind the other. How similar they are. Identical hairlines. Same peculiar face-work. And a brooding, shadowy feeling coming off them both. The look on the one's face when the other was speaking needs a Jeffrey Archer to describe. But the darkness in David's face, and the guilty stillness in Ed's – both were very impressive.

Try a thought experiment. Give each of them untrammeled power. Which would be more likely to throw off his cloak and blaze at us with furious, crow black eyes, "Down! You tiny fools!" My money would be on Ed, I have to say.

twitter.com/simonsketch

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Year 5 Teacher

£80 - £140 per day: Randstad Education Leeds: Year 5 Teacher KS2 teaching job...

Software Developer

£35000 - £45000 Per Annum Pensions Scheme After 6 Months: Clearwater People So...

Systems Analyst / Business Analyst - Central London

£35000 - £37000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: Systems Analyst / Busines...

Senior Change Engineer (Network, Cisco, Juniper) £30k

£30000 - £35000 per annum + Benefits: Ampersand Consulting LLP: Senior Change ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: A huge step forward in medical science, but we're not all the way there yet

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
David Cameron has painted a scary picture of what life would be like under a Labour government  

You want constitutional change? Fixed-term parliaments have already done the job

Steve Richards
Oscar Pistorius sentencing: The athlete's wealth and notoriety have provoked a long overdue debate on South African prisons

'They poured water on, then electrified me...'

If Oscar Pistorius is sent to jail, his experience will not be that of other inmates
James Wharton: The former Guard now fighting discrimination against gay soldiers

The former Guard now fighting discrimination against gay soldiers

Life after the Army has brought new battles for the LGBT activist James Wharton
Ebola in the US: Panic over the virus threatens to infect President Obama's midterms

Panic over Ebola threatens to infect the midterms

Just one person has died, yet November's elections may be affected by what Republicans call 'Obama's Katrina', says Rupert Cornwell
Premier League coaches join the RSC to swap the tricks of their trades

Darling, you were fabulous! But offside...

Premier League coaches are joining the RSC to learn acting skills, and in turn they will teach its actors to play football. Nick Clark finds out why
How to dress with authority: Kirsty Wark and Camila Batmanghelidjh discuss the changing role of fashion in women's workwear

How to dress with authority

Kirsty Wark and Camila Batmanghelidjh discuss the changing role of fashion in women's workwear
New book on Joy Division's Ian Curtis sheds new light on the life of the late singer

New book on Ian Curtis sheds fresh light on the life of the late singer

'Joy Division were making art... Ian was for real' says author Jon Savage
Sean Harris: A rare interview with British acting's secret weapon

Sean Harris: A rare interview with British acting's secret weapon

The Bafta-winner talks Hollywood, being branded a psycho, and how Barbra Streisand is his true inspiration
Tim Minchin, interview: The musician, comedian and world's favourite ginger is on scorching form

Tim Minchin interview

For a no-holds-barred comedian who is scathing about woolly thinking and oppressive religiosity, he is surprisingly gentle in person
Boris Johnson's boozing won't win the puritan vote

Boris's boozing won't win the puritan vote

Many of us Brits still disapprove of conspicuous consumption – it's the way we were raised, says DJ Taylor
Ash frontman Tim Wheeler reveals how he came to terms with his father's dementia

Tim Wheeler: Alzheimer's, memories and my dad

Wheeler's dad suffered from Alzheimer's for three years. When he died, there was only one way the Ash frontman knew how to respond: with a heartfelt solo album
Hugh Bonneville & Peter James: 'Peter loves his classic cars; I've always pootled along fine with a Mini Metro. I think I lack his panache'

How We Met: Hugh Bonneville & Peter James

'Peter loves his classic cars; I've always pootled along fine with a Mini Metro. I think I lack his panache'
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's heavenly crab dishes don't need hours of preparation

Bill Granger's heavenly crab recipes

Scared off by the strain of shelling a crab? Let a fishmonger do the hard work so you can focus on getting the flavours right
Radamel Falcao: How faith and love drive the Colombian to glory

Radamel Falcao: How faith and love drive the Colombian to glory

After a remarkable conversion from reckless defender to prolific striker, Monaco's ace says he wants to make his loan deal at Old Trafford permanent
Terry Venables: Premier League managers must not be allowed to dictate who plays and who does not play for England

Terry Venables column

Premier League managers must not be allowed to dictate who plays and who does not play for England
The Inside Word: Brendan Rodgers looks to the future while Roy Hodgson is ghost of seasons past

Michael Calvin's Inside Word

Brendan Rodgers looks to the future while Roy Hodgson is ghost of seasons past