Simon Carr: Spit it out, Yvette. It's meant to be an Urgent Question

Sketch: David Davis praised the police as having upped their game since the G20 demos – fair play, they didn't actually kill anyone

Share
Related Topics

"The claim that Labour was quasily satisf – wasily kwai – that the Leazily of the Lazy party was – I'm sorry," Yvette Cooper said after her Stanley Unwin episode, and without the ghost of a smile, "I want to quote the Mayor accurately".

Labour was greatly exercised by Boris Johnson's assertion that Labour leaders were "quietly satisfied" with the violence on Saturday. And you can see why – it was the Conservative Party denouncing "mindless thuggery" who were quietly satisfied with the violence. Direct action from the left reflected badly on Labour, not on the Government – and that was doubtless why Yvette Cooper was granted her Urgent Question: "Why is Labour getting the blame!" It was more of an Urgent Yelp than Urgent Question.

No, what will "quietly satisfy" Labour will be a thumping recession and three million unemployed.

Theresa May said that the message from the demo was clear. "You will be caught and you will be punished." A nice young Marxist I know was caught in Fortnums. He's been punished by the ruthless apparatus of the fascist state: a condition of bail is that he's been banned from the royal wedding.

They might as well be pulling the trigger themselves.

We do know that Labour has lost the scale of what's going on. The marchers were likened by Ed Miliband to the great freedom fighting movements of history, and Jim Sheridan in the Commons suggested fighter jets be redeployed from Libya to set up a no-fly zone over Labour HQ. Hang on, he might have been joking; he's got a remarkably deadpan style. As does Jim Sheridan.

David Davis praised the police as having upped their game since the G20 demos – fair play, they didn't actually kill anyone. But he warned against one ex-policeman's request made in The Times for "dawn raids and snatch squads. That's the sort of thing we expect in Tripoli," he said.

PS We had two Milibands sitting in the chamber, one right behind the other. How similar they are. Identical hairlines. Same peculiar face-work. And a brooding, shadowy feeling coming off them both. The look on the one's face when the other was speaking needs a Jeffrey Archer to describe. But the darkness in David's face, and the guilty stillness in Ed's – both were very impressive.

Try a thought experiment. Give each of them untrammeled power. Which would be more likely to throw off his cloak and blaze at us with furious, crow black eyes, "Down! You tiny fools!" My money would be on Ed, I have to say.

twitter.com/simonsketch

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Tradewind Recruitment: SEN Teacher

Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: SEN Teacher We have a fantastic special n...

Tradewind Recruitment: History Teacher

Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: My client is an 11-18 all ability co-educat...

Tradewind Recruitment: Year 6 Teacher

£100 - £150 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: Year 6 Teacher Birmingham Jan 2015...

Recruitment Genius: Transport Administrator / Planner

£20000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast growing reinforcing s...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

If I were Prime Minister: Every privatised corner of the NHS would be taken back into public ownership

Philip Pullman
 

Errors & Omissions: Magna Carta, sexing bishops and ministerial aides

John Rentoul
Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

Isis hostage crisis

The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

Cabbage is king again

Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
11 best winter skin treats

Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

Paul Scholes column

The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

Frank Warren's Ringside

No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

Comedians share stories of depression

The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

14 office buildings added to protected lists

Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee