Simon Carr: The truth about our former PM

Christ comes back and ushers in 1,000 years of security, stability and non-inflationary growth
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The Independent Online

Notwithstanding the arguments of larger columnists than myself there is one possibility about our former prime minister that deserves attention. Some people may say the evidence for this possibility is "patchy, sporadic and limited" but others will say it is "beyond doubt".

Tony Blair may actually be the Anti-Christ.

Patriots would have to be a little pleased at this sign of Britain punching above its weight again. But if it turns out to be true, the reputational benefit will be overwhelmed in the end (ie pretty soon).

Those who take an interest in Armageddon agree that the final battle will take place near Megiddo, by the Sea of Galillee. This is in Tony Blair's direct sphere of influence as Middle East Peace Envoy. Peace hasn't yet broken out, you notice, and nor will it if Iran can be roused to kick the apocalypse off.

Maybe that's the plan.

The temple of Jerusalem will be destroyed (which is why Iran is building its bomb). There will be a coalition of forces from the North "coming like a whirlwind" with shock, awe and "many ships".

There will be the Great Whore of Babylon (near modern Baghdad) "drunk with the blood of [Christian] martyrs". And the king of the North will have "power of the treasures of gold" in the region, but then he will be troubled by news out of the north and east and "therefore he shall go forth with great fury to destroy, and to make away many".

Ah yes, "the many not the few". Tony Blair was always on the other side of this argument, but power does strange things to a person. The Bible verses of his youth can't be sustaining him now.

Blessed are the meek? No. Judge not that ye be not judged? No. Blessed are the peacemakers? No! "Unless you repent, you too will all perish"? Not looking good there. "The mystery of lawlessness is already at work. "That's not helping. "Live by the sword die by the sword?" Beast!

The Anti-Christ has to "declare that he is above all men and all that is called God". That's not yet our ex-PM. But he's journeying in that direction, though the final destination may not yet be known.

He left the New Testament (love and forgiveness) for the Old Testament ("in righteousness he doth judge and make war"). It hasn't been easy. There have been casualties, but they've been suffered by others. His tough line on terror may result in "the abomination of desolation" but then the Beast himself has a "palace between the seas and the glorious holy mountain". They certainly look after themselves well.

Have we fixed the intelligence and facts around the policy? In short, we have. But that's how it's done.

The good news is that the final battle is won by the good guys - Christ comes back and ushers in 1,000 years of security, stability and non-inflationary growth. No return to beast and bust. The bad news for Anti-Christ is that "he shall come to his end, and none shall help him".

Oh well, as it doesn't say in the Bible, never mind.