Simon Carr:

The Sketch: He's a nice chap. Pity you can't agree with anything he says

Share
+More

You have to accept he's a perfectly nice man, he has a full set of feelings, decent instincts, well-off, well-educated, well-mannered. So why do we want to argue with everything Nick Clegg says?

If he announced it was important to put milk into babies I'd think, "Whose babies? Do I have to pay for it? Why can't their parents get their own milk? Why can't the babies feed themselves? Are they stupid? Why do I have to feed babies who are so useless they ..." [and so on, 'til madness descends].

He invited the audience to feel his pain. He praised them for their courage and integrity. Yes, he was definitely less irritated with them – though when they clapped too long at his line, "We are not in anyone's pocket," he shut them up with: "I get it. You agree."

He asked if he could tell them about his passion – something about tearing down every barrier to children succeeding.

And even there I was thinking, "Big job, that. Sounds mad." And when he said, "Every child can do great things!" I said, "No, they can't." They really can't, you know, even if you're a great optimist.

And 87 per cent of Britain has the same reaction. Why?

The Libs are "on your side", they've taken millions out of tax, fought tooth and nail for human rights, believe devoutly in fairness, the NHS and internationalism – and are polling only a little more than the BNP.

Is it the tough decisions they keep on taking? Is it because they called the economy back from the brink? Is it because they're building a new economy and it's going to be "an economy for everyone". Why have they got 13 per cent support?

With all the immense strength, character, determination, optimism, and real leadership that Nick Clegg talked about so loudly – he turned himself up to 11 – you'd think the country would take better note. But they reached for the earplugs instead.

But here's a Sketch prediction. If they change leaders and swing left just before the election – as if to say that the previous four years were all a strategic mistake – they will be annihilated and their autumn conference of 2015 will be held in a phone box on the Isle of Skye.

Twitter.com/simonsketch

React Now

Day In a Page

Read Next
Sibling rivalry: The public enemy (left) confronts his brother  

The new version of Ibsen's Public Enemy is a drama where democracy doesn't win any votes

Tom Sutcliffe
 

As Hay-on-Wye opens this week, it's time for book festivals to open a new and exciting chapter

David Lister

Johnny Marr talks relationships and reunions

He's worked with Modest Mouse, the Pet Shop Boys and Beck, to name a few, and recently released his first solo album. So why, wonders Johnny Marr, do people still hark on about The Smiths?
After the flood: From Haiti to Britain, one man has captured the devastation of our increasingly deluged lands

In pictures: After the flood

From Haiti to Britain, one man has captured the devastation of our increasingly deluged lands
Death becomes her: Meet the very modern mortician who champions 'cool' funerals

Death becomes her: A very modern mortician

Ever considered baking a loved one's remains into a cake or putting their ashes in fireworks? If so, talk to Caitlin Doughty, champion of the alternative death industry.
How long can the 'Keep Calm' trend carry on?

How long can the 'Keep Calm' trend carry on?

At first it seemed clever and cute. Then the 'Keep Calm' motif went mad, spawning endless offshoots.
The man who built Brum: A lament for the demise of John Madin's Brutalist Birmingham

John Madin: The man who built Brum

The architect's buildings were supposed to leave an indelible, futuristic mark on his beloved hometown but they are now being inexorably torn down.
School of chop: Learning the art of butchery at the Ginger Pig

School of chop: Learning the art of butchery

How do you butcher a lamb? Or make Mexican street food in a British kitchen? Christopher Hirst finds out.
James Pembroke: The man who's eaten everywhere

The man who's eaten everywhere

Few people know more about restaurants than James Pembroke, who only spent five mealtimes at home during his entire childhood.
A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

The young JFK praised 'superior' Nordic races during visits to Germany
Banned Iranian director Mohammad Rasoulof to attend Cannes Film Festival 2013, his first public appearance since prison

Banned Iranian director to attend Cannes Film Festival

Mohammad Rasoulof to make his first public appearance since being imprisoned three years ago
Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

An exhibition explores images how photography has shaped astronomy
Eat Spam and carry on: Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating

Eat Spam and carry on

Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating
Facial hair: Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence

Facial hair

Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence
The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

Whether they're for everyday use or to make your dining table look just right, it's worth getting a stylish shaker...
Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

Chief executive says trophies will come if a 'core' of suitable players is in place
Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

The Bayern Munich forward tells Tim Rich his side have to shed chokers' tag after two recent final defeats