Simon Carr:

The Sketch: Obese union officials are the Tories' secret weapon

Share
Related Topics

That secret Tory Len McCluskey helped lay the groundwork for PMQs, alongside the secret capitalist, Ken Livingstone. But they would have had a fraction of the effect but for Labour's Julie Hilling, who ensured the Prime Minister left the chamber to Tory cheers.

Nothing could help the Tories more than 100,000 obese trade union officials invading the pitch and running the 1,500 metres the wrong way round the track. But how to get it on to the House floor?

There was a circuitous way, but only if Ed Miliband co-operated, which he did. Ed was back on the health Bill that everyone hates – the paediatrics, geriatrics, orthopaedics, indentured Nail Technicians of Bromley and Royal Society of Smoking Cessation Outreach Co-Ordinators. Ed is among a comfortable majority and told us 98 per cent of those in the Royal College of GPs opposed the Bill. David Cameron, recognising a trick, said only 7 per cent of the 44,000 membership responded to the survey. "What about the Royal College of Physiotherapists?" he cried (What about it? It doesn't exist). Only 2 per cent had responded. And speaking of 2 per cent, that was enough "for the unions to elect him leader of the Labour Party". Drum, cymbal, cries of "More!"

We had a bit of Livingstone's £50,000 tax avoidance scheme, dragged in on the back of the banks' trillion-pound bailout, and then Ms Hilling asked about the effect of welfare reform on families with children. But she – "sponsored by Unite" – hadn't taken the chance to condemn McCluskey, the PM said. Labour outrage! Ms Hilling raised it as a point of order. She wasn't, she wouldn't, what an untruth!

As Cameron listed Unite donations to her office from a Register of Interests, Labour rage turned to foot shuffling, throat clearing and a change of subject. It left the Speaker, in 255 words, to say: "That isn't a matter for the Chair."

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: In House Counsel - Contracts

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This leading supplier of compliance software a...

Recruitment Genius: Associate System Engineer

£24000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The Associate System Engineer r...

Recruitment Genius: Executive Assistant

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An Executive Assistant is required to join a l...

Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager - B2B, Corporate - City, London

£45000 - £50000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, glo...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Zoe Sugg, aka Zoella, with her boyfriend, fellow vlogger Alfie Deyes  

If children are obese then blame food manufacturers, not Zoella

Jane Merrick
Amos Yee arrives with his father at the State courts in Singapore on March 31  

Singapore's arrest of a 16-year-old YouTuber is all you need to know about Lee Kuan Yew's legacy

Noah Sin
General Election 2015: The masterminds behind the scenes

The masterminds behind the election

How do you get your party leader to embrace a message and then stick to it? By employing these people
Machine Gun America: The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons

Machine Gun America

The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons
The ethics of pet food: Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?

The ethics of pet food

Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?
How Tansy Davies turned 9/11 into her opera 'Between Worlds'

How a composer turned 9/11 into her opera 'Between Worlds'

Tansy Davies makes her operatic debut with a work about the attack on the Twin Towers. Despite the topic, she says it is a life-affirming piece
11 best bedside tables

11 best bedside tables

It could be the first thing you see in the morning, so make it work for you. We find night stands, tables and cabinets to wake up to
Italy vs England player ratings: Did Andros Townsend's goal see him beat Harry Kane and Wayne Rooney to top marks?

Italy vs England player ratings

Did Townsend's goal see him beat Kane and Rooney to top marks?
Danny Higginbotham: An underdog's tale of making the most of it

An underdog's tale of making the most of it

Danny Higginbotham on being let go by Manchester United, annoying Gordon Strachan, utilising his talents to the full at Stoke and plunging into the world of analysis
Audley Harrison's abusers forget the debt he's due, but Errol Christie will always remember what he owes the police

Steve Bunce: Inside Boxing

Audley Harrison's abusers forget the debt he's due, but Errol Christie will always remember what he owes the police
No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat