The Sketch: The country supper with a ring of Hyacinth Bouquet

Dave had to correct the number of meetings he had with Rebekah after Sam put him straight

Click to follow

The Prime Minister spoke for five hours, the legal meters turned over £50,000 and Lord Justice Leveson earned himself a global reputation for his remark, "That's the value of wives."

Cameron had corrected the number of meetings he'd had with Rebekah Brooks. He'd thought it hadn't been, um, every weekend; but during lunch Samantha had been in touch with a more accurate assessment from her diary.

"That's the value of wives," the Lord Justice said, cosily. Good heavens man, you're not in the Carlton now. That's not even legal. That's hate speech. HATE SPEECH!

Rebekah's pre-conference email was published. The "country supper" one. Talented meritocrat as she is, and far from a "country supper" background, the email had an awful ring of Mrs Bouquet about it.

A fellow hack explained how cleverly she blended into any social background. In a group of East End dog fighters for instance, she bit the head off a whippet. Literally. Tore it straight off with her teeth. Another example of her skills came from Kenya where it was a leopard, she didn't bite the head off.

It is possible that fact has been conflated with opinion here, but at a dog fight you're definitely not supposed to join in yourself. It's a breach of the etiquette. Her other efforts to ingratiate herself struck very jarring notes. She said she thought OEs "were charm personified". That isn't something you should ever say to an Old Etonian. It's a great solecism. Like biting the head off a whippet at a dog fight.

"I am so rooting for you tomorrow and not just as a proud friend but because professionally we're definitely in this together!" A proud friend? In this together? See above, double.

"Speech of your life? Yes he Cam!"

And that is illegal under the same law which criminalised Lord Justice Leveson's remark about wives. If she gets off the hacking she'll go down for that.