Simon Kelner: Commemoration's the name of this jubilee game

 

Share

If there's one thing we know how to do in Britain, it's how to put on a marvellous spectacle – and then see it ruined by the weather. Watching the river pageant on Sunday, and the crowds soaked to the skin, the Olympic organisers must have wished they'd gone the extra mile (and a few million pounds) and had a roof fitted to the stadium. Long to rain over us, indeed!

Anyway, it is fitting that, whatever the weather, occasions of national celebration should be marked with poetic flourish. Readers will know of my fondness for the limerick, popularised by Edward Lear and usually a vehicle for nonsensical verse. And given the tide of nonsensical prose from every television commentator and analyst as the Queen made her regal progress down the Thames on Sunday, I hope you agree this an appropriate way to commemorate the Diamond Jubilee.

For six decades she's reigned as our Queen

A long stretch, if you know what I mean

From a time of prosperity

To the age of austerity

And everything else in between

Her duty she's done to the max

With hardly the time to chillax

The palaces, the land

The pageants so grand

And it's all settled up by our tax

It's impertinent to ask what she's for

She's done all that's required – and more

She's met heads of state

Men small and great

And even some criminals of war

But enough of that old Mr Blair

And the ones that her husband can't bear

Like the despots, the chancers

The African dancers

And the natives that just make him swear

For some, Her Maj is a star

In crowds, they all shout "hurrah"

"Three cheers for the Queen"

Who just looks serene

And asks if, in fact, they've come far

So for three score years on the throne

She's never been known to moan

Either selling the mugs

Or listening to Suggs

Or to Kay Burley, no, never a groan

On the Thames there was cause for alarm

Not the rain, but the TV hosts' smarm

But amid all the platitude

We found time for some gratitude

Two days off, what a treat, thank you ma'am

Follow @Simon_Kelner

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

(Senior) IT Support Engineer - 1st-3rd Line Support

£40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful IT service provider that has bee...

Wind Farm Civil Design Engineer

£55000 - £65000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Principal Marine Mechanical Engineer

£60000 - £70000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Principle Geotechnical Engineer

£55000 - £65000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: The Green Recruitmen...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A Russian hunter at the Medved bear-hunting lodge in Siberia  

Save the Tiger: Meet the hunters tasked with protecting Russia's rare Amur tiger

Oliver Poole
Save the Tiger: Meet the hunters tasked with protecting Russia's rare Amur tiger

Hunters protect Russia's rare Amur tiger

In an unusual move, wildlife charities have enlisted those who kill animals to help save them. Oliver Poole travels to Siberia to investigate
Transfers: How has your club fared in summer sales?

How has your club fared in summer sales?

Who have bagged the bargain buys and who have landed the giant turkeys
Warwick Davis: The British actor on Ricky Gervais, how the Harry Potter set became his office, and why he'd like to play a spy

'I'm a realist; I know how hard this business is'

Warwick Davis on Ricky Gervais, Harry Potter and his perfect role
The best swim shorts for men: Bag yourself the perfect pair and make a splash this summer

The best swim shorts for men

Bag yourself the perfect pair and make a splash this summer
Has Ukip’s Glastonbury branch really been possessed by the devil?

Has Ukip’s Glastonbury branch really been possessed by the devil?

Meet the couple blamed for bringing Lucifer into local politics
Dress the Gaza situation up all you like, but the truth hurts

Robert Fisk on Gaza conflict

Dress the situation up all you like, but the truth hurts
Save the tiger: Tiger, tiger burning less brightly as numbers plummet

Tiger, tiger burning less brightly

When William Blake wrote his famous poem there were probably more than 100,000 tigers in the wild. These days they probably number around 3,200
5 News's Andy Bell retraces his grandfather's steps on the First World War battlefields

In grandfather's footsteps

5 News's political editor Andy Bell only knows his grandfather from the compelling diary he kept during WWI. But when he returned to the killing fields where Edwin Vaughan suffered so much, his ancestor came to life
Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart reveals she has flying robot ... to take photos of her farm

Martha Stewart has flying robot

The lifestyle guru used the drone to get a bird's eye view her 153-acre farm in Bedford, New York
Former Labour minister Meg Hillier has demanded 'pootling lanes' for women cyclists

Do women cyclists need 'pootling lanes'?

Simon Usborne (who's more of a hurtler) explains why winning the space race is key to happy riding
A tale of two presidents: George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story

A tale of two presidents

George W Bush downs his paintbrush to pen father’s life story
Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover

The dining car makes a comeback

Restaurateur Mitch Tonks has given the Great Western Pullman dining car a makeover
Gallery rage: How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?

Gallery rage

How are institutions tackling the discomfort of overcrowding this summer?
Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players

Eye on the prize

Louis van Gaal has £500,000 video surveillance system installed to monitor Manchester United players
Women's rugby: Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup

Women's rugby

Tamara Taylor adds fuel to the ire in quest to land World Cup