Simon Kelner: Commemoration's the name of this jubilee game

 

Share

If there's one thing we know how to do in Britain, it's how to put on a marvellous spectacle – and then see it ruined by the weather. Watching the river pageant on Sunday, and the crowds soaked to the skin, the Olympic organisers must have wished they'd gone the extra mile (and a few million pounds) and had a roof fitted to the stadium. Long to rain over us, indeed!

Anyway, it is fitting that, whatever the weather, occasions of national celebration should be marked with poetic flourish. Readers will know of my fondness for the limerick, popularised by Edward Lear and usually a vehicle for nonsensical verse. And given the tide of nonsensical prose from every television commentator and analyst as the Queen made her regal progress down the Thames on Sunday, I hope you agree this an appropriate way to commemorate the Diamond Jubilee.

For six decades she's reigned as our Queen

A long stretch, if you know what I mean

From a time of prosperity

To the age of austerity

And everything else in between

Her duty she's done to the max

With hardly the time to chillax

The palaces, the land

The pageants so grand

And it's all settled up by our tax

It's impertinent to ask what she's for

She's done all that's required – and more

She's met heads of state

Men small and great

And even some criminals of war

But enough of that old Mr Blair

And the ones that her husband can't bear

Like the despots, the chancers

The African dancers

And the natives that just make him swear

For some, Her Maj is a star

In crowds, they all shout "hurrah"

"Three cheers for the Queen"

Who just looks serene

And asks if, in fact, they've come far

So for three score years on the throne

She's never been known to moan

Either selling the mugs

Or listening to Suggs

Or to Kay Burley, no, never a groan

On the Thames there was cause for alarm

Not the rain, but the TV hosts' smarm

But amid all the platitude

We found time for some gratitude

Two days off, what a treat, thank you ma'am

Follow @Simon_Kelner

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Service and Installation Engineer

£22000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A fantastic opportunity has ari...

Recruitment Genius: SEO / Outreach Executive

£20000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Our client is a global marketin...

Recruitment Genius: Junior Estimator

£17000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A fantastic opportunity has ari...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Negotiator - OTE £24,000

£22000 - £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An enthusiastic individual is r...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Newspaper stands have been criticised by the Child Eyes campaign  

There were more reader complaints this year – but, then again, there were more readers

Will Gore
 

People drink to shut out pain and stress – arresting them won’t help

Deborah Coughlin
A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

Who remembers that this week we enter the 150th anniversary year of the end of the American Civil War, asks Robert Fisk
Homeless Veterans appeal: Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served

Homeless Veterans appeal

Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served
Downfall of Dustin 'Screech' Diamond, the 'Saved By The Bell' star charged with bar stabbing

Scarred by the bell

The downfall of the TV star charged with bar stabbing
Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Security breaches and overhyped start-ups dominated a year in which very little changed (save the size of your phone)
Cuba's golf revolution: But will the revolutionary nation take 'bourgeois' game to its heart?

Will revolutionary Cuba take 'bourgeois' golf to its heart?

Fidel Castro ridiculed the game – but now investment in leisure resort projects is welcome
The Locked Room Mysteries: As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor Otto Penzler explains the rules of engagement

The Locked Room Mysteries

As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor explains the rules of engagement
Amy Adams on playing painter Margaret Keane in Tim Burton's Big Eyes

How I made myself Keane

Amy Adams hadn’t wanted to take the role of artist Margaret Keane, because she’d had enough of playing victims. But then she had a daughter, and saw the painter in a new light
Ed Richards: Parting view of Ofcom chief. . . we hate jokes on the disabled

Parting view of Ofcom chief... we hate jokes on the disabled

Bad language once got TV viewers irate, inciting calls to broadcasting switchboards. But now there is a worse offender, says retiring head of the media watchdog, Ed Richards
A look back at fashion in 2014: Wear in review

Wear in review

A look back at fashion in 2014
Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015. Might just one of them happen?

Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015

Might just one of them happen?
War with Isis: The West needs more than a White Knight

The West needs more than a White Knight

Despite billions spent on weapons, the US has not been able to counter Isis's gruesome tactics, says Patrick Cockburn
Return to Helmand: Private Davey Graham recalls the day he was shot by the Taliban

'The day I was shot by the Taliban'

Private Davey Graham was shot five times during an ambush in 2007 - it was the first, controversial photograph to show the dangers our soldiers faced in Helmand province
Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

Many flyers are failing to claim compensation to which they are entitled, a new survey has found
The stories that defined 2014: From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions

The stories that defined 2014

From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions
Stoke-on-Trent becomes first British city to be classified as 'disaster resilient' by the United Nations

Disaster looming? Now you know where to head...

Which British city has become the first to be awarded special 'resilience' status by the UN?