The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. But even that wasn't as spectacular as the one where Kate Winslet convinced the world that she was just your average, can't stay off the jaffa cakes, baby-sick down my top, oops don't you just hate it when the sodding pushchair gouges yer leg, type of gal.
Still now, nearly 12 years after starring in the mega-blockbuster Titanic, plus getting five Oscar nominations, marrying a huge movie director and moving to the States, she gets away with the girl-next-door routine. If she had a pound for every time an interviewer called her "down-to-earth" she would be – well, actually, it wouldn't make much of a difference would it? She's bloody rich already. Her subterfuge skills are second to none. And this is why I love her.
What other mega-famous person can get away with saying things like "Oh, but to me, I mean Julia Roberts, now she's a movie star"? And get that past the journalist, because said journalist is too keen to chat about how Ms Winslet celebrated her first wedding with bangers and mash and that she's happy with her body the way it is. (Even though that "way it is" is nowadays really slim and gorgeous. And that first wedding turned out to be a bit of a mistake, unlike her second one, conducted in the movie-star glamour of a secluded Caribbean island, which wasn't.)
She is like a media comfort zone – go to Kate if you want a quote about how she eats what she likes and doesn't do any dieting (except when she needs to lose weight) and she doesn't ever exercise (apart from when she needs to get fit) and how she's still the same old English rose from Reading (except she lives in New York) and isn't it terrible about that men's magazine airbrushing her photos (when she's been an official "ambassador" for cosmetics firm Lancôme and made loads of money from being airbrushed all the time).
She's like a nice, scruffy little Italian caff that turns out to be a front for a Mafia money-laundering operation. So slick!
The thing is, it would drive most people absolutely stark staring mad to hear the same things said about themselves again and again. Most famouses, when asked such boring questions, would get in a hissy fit and claim that they've moved on.
Talk about the life journey they've been on and how they have really grown inside, as a person, you know? Not Winslet. She just lets them keep on happily banging on about bangers and mash, when, in fact, she exists solely on a diet of finest caviar spooned off silver trays held aloft by a team of slave dwarves. Well, possibly.
And now, with two big new films out – Revolutionary Road, directed by her husband, Sam Mendes, and The Reader – she is yet again up for the big awards. The Golden Globes are announced today – she has her sixth and seventh nominations. Might she win at last?
The Oscars will follow, and she's tipped to finally get her hands on one of those too. The fact that she has always been the bridesmaid and never the bride at these awards only adds to her mythology of normality – so if you need to believe in Kate Winslet as the best mate you haven't quite met yet, well, the clock is ticking, and fast.
Because once she wins, we may have to finally accept that she is a phenomenally hard-working, high achieving, endlessly versatile, superstar. And that she never, ever eats jaffa cakes.