Susannah Shops: The joys of a big behind

Fat bottomed girls make the rockin’ world go round, we all know. And, the good news is, I now have one.

Move over Beyonce, J-Lo, Pippa Middleton and (just for the hell of it, a token male) Rafa Nadal, because overnight my hitherto somewhat understated backside is nothing short of enormous, relatively speaking at least.

Enter Fe jeans. According to the blurb, Fe is “a new Brazilian brand that presents a striking new collection of button-up denim jeans designed to enhance and slender the female body and silhouette”. And, it’s off to Rio for me, they do indeed.

The trick? An impessively flattering cut only added to by what looks like pillows of jelly filled bubble wrap (or just pillowshaped jelly fish) inserted into the bottom area creating a push-up effect that ensures gravity-defying and pleasingly ample buttocks where previously there were none. Think chicken fillets but, for obvious reasons (that is, they need not to explode when you sit on them), rather more sturdy than that.

“I need those jeans,” said one colleague as I sashayed by, pointing to my preternaturally pert behind. “Can I touch them?”

Fe jeans come in different cuts, weights and washes. Mine are dark indigo and straight-legged. They’re deceptively, even cunningly, simple, have just the right amount of stretch and a pretty cotton lining printed with pink orchids. I sit down at my desk and bounce away happily on my bottom wondering whether those naturally blessed in this department ever actually get much work done: a big bum is more than a little distracting I am now in a position reliably to inform you. You can play on it for hours.

By mid-afternoon, I’ve got used to it. So much so that at one point I wriggle in my chair and wonder, if only for a nanosecond, whether my kidneys have somehow slipped into my knickers. A none too edifying thought but one more than made up for by the joys of an appearance nothing short of bootylicious - and all with nothing even remotely as high risk as surgical intervention required.

Fe jeans are available at www.luisaviaroma.com