Talbot Church: Villagers replace 'problematic' Arab leaders

The man the Royals trust

Share
Related Topics

The reason why surprisingly late invitations to the Royal Wedding were sent out to the postman, butcher, publican and newsagent of the village of Bucklebury can now be revealed. Local characters from the village where Kate Middleton's family live have been drafted in to replace a number of Arab dignitaries who, in the words of a Foreign Office insider, have been "quietly stood down".

The problem came to light when it was noticed that an old friend of Prince Andrew's, Saif Gaddafi, was on the invitation list, as were a number of "problematic" Arab potentates whose countries are in a state of unrest.

"A handful of sheikhs have been uninvited," a Palace insider has admitted. "The Government is on a charm offensive in the Arab world at the moment, and it was thought a wedding invitation would grease the wheels of diplomacy. Recent events caused us to change our position." It was the feet-on-the-ground Prince William who turned a negative into a positive. As part of the campaign to promote Kate Middleton as Princess Ordinary, prominent locals from Bucklebury would be invited to "the People's Wedding".

There was some concern that, since the seating plan had been finalised, certain anomalies might occur in the Abbey. The King and Queen of Jordan would find themselves beside local postman Ryan Naylor, while Chan and Hash Shingadia of Peaches Store would be in the party of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum of Dubai.

An urgent reshuffle has ensured that locals will be among their own kind at the back of the congregation.



I understand that discreet enquiries are being made by Prince William's private staff as to the most effective hair restoration treatment currently available. The no-nonsense Prince is said to be relaxed about his rapidly thinning locks, but palace marketing advisers have pointed out that bald royals (Prince Philip, Prince Charles, the Duke of Kent) tend to be regarded as "cranky" by the general public, and are taken less seriously than those with a full head of hair.

"It's no big deal," a senior courtier tells me. "The royals are in the image business like anybody else. It's important that our future king – who's every inch a modern royal, by the way – should look the part."

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst

£25000 per annum: Ashdown Group: An established media firm based in Surrey is ...

Ashdown Group: Java Developer - Hertfordshire - £47,000 + bonus + benefits

£40000 - £470000 per annum + bonus: Ashdown Group: Java Developer / J2EE Devel...

Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Director - London - £70,000

£70000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Controller - Fina...

Recruitment Genius: Business Development Executive - Nationwide - OTE £65,000

£30000 - £65000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This small technology business ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Ice skating in George Square, Glasgow  

How many Christmas cards have you sent this year?

Simon Kelner
 

Al-Sweady Inquiry: An exercise in greed that blights the lives of brave soldiers

Richard Kemp
Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas
La Famille Bélier is being touted as this year's Amelie - so why are many in the deaf community outraged by it?

Deaf community outraged by La Famille Bélier

The new film tells the story of a deaf-mute farming family and is being touted as this year's Amelie
10 best high-end laptops

10 best high-end laptops

From lightweight and zippy devices to gaming beasts, we test the latest in top-spec portable computers
Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

The batsman has grown disillusioned after England’s Ashes debacle and allegations linking him to the Pietersen affair
Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

The Williams driver has had plenty of doubters, but hopes she will be judged by her ability in the cockpit
Adam Gemili interview: 'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

After a year touched by tragedy, Adam Gemili wants to become the sixth Briton to run a sub-10sec 100m
Calls for a military mental health 'quality mark'

Homeless Veterans campaign

Expert calls for military mental health 'quality mark'
Racton Man: Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman

Meet Racton Man

Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman
Garden Bridge: St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters

Garden Bridge

St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters
Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament: An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel

Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament

An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel
Joint Enterprise: The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice

Joint Enterprise

The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice
Freud and Eros: Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum: Objects of Desire

Freud and Eros

Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum