The Third Leader; Down and dirty

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The Independent Online

Three cheers, then, for the plucky Welsh Premier Leaguers who many expect to be one down in their Champions' League tie at Anfield against Liverpool tonight before their supporters can say, "Come on, then, Total Network Solutions Llansantffraid!".

I'm not so sure. These guys are sponsored by a software company, and, as you must know, anything to do with IT demands high intelligence, an interesting approach to solving problems, and a great deal of patience. I am a great admirer of Rafael Benitez, the Liverpool manager; but, I wonder, has he read the mission statement of Total Network Solutions?

Rafa, allow me: "Total Network Solutions is the leading provider of Converged Communications, Professional and Managed Services to the Enterprise, Public Service and Service Provider markets delivering Innovative Lifecycle solutions resolving Business Issues through the use of recognised quality processes."

Exactly. Do not be surprised if TNS hand out copies of this to Gerrard, Carragher and the rest just before kick-off; the effect could be pretty unsettling. In the interests of fair play, I feel obliged to translate. What this means, Stevie, Jamie, is that, should one of you be racing on to a through ball, TNS defenders are likely to converge communications and resolve the business issue by attempting to deliver a vigorous, enterprising and innovative lifecycle solution just outside the box, and, if usual industry response times apply, it may be just a touch late. Good luck, everybody!