The Third Leader: Feathered foes

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The Independent Online

For a while the pigeons languished and contemplated the lures of the countryside. But the thought of the daily commute deterred these creatures of the town. And now, bless their little beady eyes, the pigeons are fighting back.

Evolution and greed have done their bit, and a new, super-pigeon is winging its way towards us. And there are more of them, many more. Apparently, we have only ourselves to blame. As pigeons found themselves transformed in the public mind from pets to pests, they looked out for themselves and were well satisfied with what they found - mostly our leftovers.

The removal of litter bins from tourist sites as a security precaution made for a veritable pigeon-bonanza. And the burgers, the fries, the wraps, the crusts and the dregs of Coca Cola had the same effect on them as they have on us: they super-sized them.

But they didn't clip their wings. They may be unfit, these giants, but they are not going the way of the dodo. They show every sign of wanting to recover the habitat they left behind.

So stand by for Birds-2, the remake of Hitchcock's classic, relocated to our city centres and culminating in the new battle for Trafalgar - the square, that is. Those infernal birds, Ken, they're coming back to wreak their revenge.