The Third Leader: James Blond

Share

Down here, we have a lot of waterfront to cover. My learned friends above and about me do the deep business; I'm the wide one. Low-fat diets, musicals about Lady Thatcher, Noddy, Tupperware parties: all me. I also keep a watching brief on important social indicators such as, inter multa alia, stretch limousines, non-flying vultures and the James Bond films.

And the latest news from that last is the birth of a movement dedicated to removing the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, before he's even got going. Bond executives are being flurried by e-mails announcing a boycott of the films unless the "short, blond, odd-looking" Mr Craig is replaced.

Well. This is an intriguing development. The Bond camp should be very careful. Unaddressed resentment turns to anger that turns to action that rapidly becomes irresistible. They should remember Prague, Bucharest, Berlin and Kiev: before we know where we are, actors will be running for roles decided by vote. And you know what that means: more acceptance speeches.

If people-power invades film-making, moreover, what will be next? JK Rowling forced to keep writing Harry Potters? Jeffrey Archer ordered to stop? The apprentices firing Sir Alan Sugar? Jamie Oliver the next England coach? The Prince of Wales made Ambassador to China?

A concession is vital. Could Mr Craig be persuaded to speak Scots sibilantly? Or trained to lift an eyebrow, quizzically? Perhaps, but it's the hair colour that seems to have got them going. The mane's blond, a shade which is unfaithful to Fleming, and in alpha male terms hasn't recovered from Michael Heseltine, Dan Quayle or Frank Spencer. Take to the bottle, Mr Craig. Shaken, probably.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Trainee Sales Consultants - OTE up to £35,000

£15000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Franchise Operations Manager - Midlands or North West

£40000 - £60000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The position will be home based...

Recruitment Genius: Hotel and Spa Duty Manager

£18000 - £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: If you are friendly, sociable, ...

Recruitment Genius: Marketing Executive

£18000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This independent publishing and...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Daily catch-up: the Greeks can stay in the euro or end ‘austerity’, but not both

John Rentoul
The old 1,000 Greek drachma notes and current 20 euros  

Greece debt crisis: History shows 'new drachma' is nothing to fear

Sean O'Grady
How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth: Would people co-operate to face down a global peril?

How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth

Would people cooperate to face a global peril?
Just one day to find €1.6bn: Greece edges nearer euro exit

One day to find €1.6bn

Greece is edging inexorably towards an exit from the euro
New 'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could help surgeons and firefighters, say scientists

'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could become reality

Holographic projections would provide extra information on objects in a person's visual field in real time
Sugary drinks 'are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year'

Sugary drinks are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year

The drinks that should be eliminated from people's diets
Pride of Place: Historians map out untold LGBT histories of locations throughout UK

Historians map out untold LGBT histories

Public are being asked to help improve the map
Lionel, Patti, Burt and The Who rock Glasto

Lionel, Patti, Burt and The Who rock Glasto

This was the year of 24-carat Golden Oldies
Paris Fashion Week

Paris Fashion Week

Thom Browne's scarecrows offer a rare beacon in commercial offerings
A year of the caliphate:

Isis, a year of the caliphate

Who can defeat the so-called 'Islamic State' – and how?
Marks and Spencer: Can a new team of designers put the spark back into the high-street brand?

Marks and Spencer

Can a new team of designers put the spark back into the high-street brand?
'We haven't invaded France': Italy's Prime Minister 'reclaims' Europe's highest peak

'We haven't invaded France'

Italy's Prime Minister 'reclaims' Europe's highest peak
Isis in Kobani: Why we ignore the worst of the massacres

Why do we ignore the worst of the massacres?

The West’s determination not to offend its Sunni allies helps Isis and puts us all at risk, says Patrick Cockburn
7/7 bombings 10 years on: Four emergency workers who saved lives recall the shocking day that 52 people were killed

Remembering 7/7 ten years on

Four emergency workers recall their memories of that day – and reveal how it's affected them ever since
Humans: Are the scientists developing robots in danger of replicating the hit Channel 4 drama?

They’re here to help

We want robots to do our drudge work, and to look enough like us for comfort. But are the scientists developing artificial intelligence in danger of replicating the TV drama Humans?
Time to lay these myths about the Deep South to rest

Time to lay these myths about the Deep South to rest

'Heritage' is a loaded word in the Dixie, but the Charleston killings show how dangerous it is to cling to a deadly past, says Rupert Cornwell
What exactly does 'one' mean? Court of Appeal passes judgement on thorny mathematical issue

What exactly does 'one' mean?

Court of Appeal passes judgement on thorny mathematical issue