The Third Leader: On the ball

Share

Thank goodness. For a moment, it looked as if the Football Association had forgotten that its role in national affairs is not the efficient management of the sport at home and securing international success abroad, but the provision of top-class entertainment.

Indeed, there were genuine fears that, after bringing you the likes of Graham "Do I Not Like That" Taylor, Glenn "I Did Not Say Them Things" Hoddle, Kevin "There'll Be No Siestas In Madrid Tonight" Keegan, Sven, Nancy and Sweet Faria Alam, the FA would choose someone really dull to be the new England manager.

Instead, it seems that the lads from Soho Square have once again done ever so well, settling upon a burly Brazilian who looks like Gene Hackman and already has a highly promising nickname, "Big Phil".

Even the most cursory research on Luiz Felipe Scolari suggests top FA homework. This is a bloke who, apparently, has demanded more fouls from his players, invited the referee to come outside the ground afterwards, screams at the crowd, and,asked to compare Wayne Rooney with Pele, replied: "Well, one's white and the other's black."

And when you further discover that he's on record as saying that Pele knows nothing about football, the FA's brilliance becomes clear: none of the current natives being remotely up to it, they've only been and gone and found the archetypal English manager elsewhere. Why am I not surprised that he is an admirer of the late Brian Clough, "old big head" himself?

Marvellous. And to those who worry Phil might have mellowed recently, I say this: remember when we thought Sven was a bit dreary? Trust them!

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Year 4 Teacher

£90 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Hull: Randstad Education is urgently re...

General Cover Teacher

£120 - £162 per day: Randstad Education Hull: SECONDARY SUPPLY TEACHERS NEEDED...

Food Technology Teacher

£6720 - £38400 per annum: Randstad Education Nottingham: Can you teach Food Te...

Bookkeeper / Accounts Administrator - Central London, £30-40k

£30000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Bookkeeper - Central London, £30-40k...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Yes supporters gather outside the Usher Hall, which is hosting a Night for Scotland in Edinburgh  

Scottish independence: Forget Yes and No — what about a United Kingdom of Independent States?

Ben Judah
Francois Hollande at the Paris summit on Iraq with ministers from Saudi Arabia and Bahrain on 15 September  

What's going to happen in Syria and Iraq? A guide to the new anti-Isis coalition's global strategy

Jonathan Russell
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam
'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

Exclusive extract from Janis Winehouse's poignant new memoir
Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

The Imitation Game, film review
England and Roy Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption in Basel

England and Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption

Welbeck double puts England on the road to Euro 2016
Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Pictures removed from public view as courts decide ownership
‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

Donatella Versace at New York Fashion Week