The Third Leader: Right to moan

Now there are those, I know, who think Gwyneth should stop running down her adopted home, but I'm not one of them. No. As I say, we should be thankful for anything regular in this country. It's true that she does go on a lot about the weather being cold and wet and depressing, but you must also remember that she has to listen to a lot of music by Coldplay.

And, be fair, she does come up with new moans. Previously, we've had traffic wardens, petrol prices and bad service as well as the weather. This time, it's the filthy streets as well as the weather, and bad service. It has, she reveals, taken two weeks to get her internet service fixed.

Two points. First, computers are clearly very important to her, since she named her daughter after one. Second, go into any pub in the country, and you will hear exactly the same stuff. Why should she be blamed for going native?

I, for one, am now looking forward to hearing her on pensions, health and safety, Conservative leisure activities, Chelsea's dominance being bad for the game, how £1m means nothing these days, you wait till that Brown takes over, the secret of a good pint, and all these foreigners coming over here.

We say: Go, Gwynnie! And has anybody told her about this bad winter coming up?