The Third Leader: The write stuff

While we would not ordinarily advocate seeking advantage from the difficulties of others, there can be compelling circumstances. Such as the allure of tapping out a few pages of terse dialogue before easing off the lounger by the Beverly Hills poolside to change for the party. We do, of course, out of strong feelings of fraternity and social justice, defend the right of Hollywood screenwriters to make as much as they can. But if they're going to do nothing by the pool, someone else will surely step in. And, after all, it's what writers expect, even thrive on. Betrayal and pain are their motors.

So why not me, or you? Sure. Script ideas? Easy. How about these genetically modified supermice reported on today? Leaner, fitter, nastier, randier. The scientists say it is not yet possible for humans, but it is not clear how much experience they have had of the movie business. Top story line, either way. More animals? A hundred wild boar are on the loose in Devon. A piglet has fallen out of a truck on the way to a Herefordshire abbatoir. A parrot has saved a family in Indiana by imitating a smoke alarm.

Crime caper? A German woman has escaped from prison by hiding in her friend's suitcase. Wacky? A British scientist is predicting human-robot marriage. Heartwarming? A 72-year-old retired chemistry teacher from Corby has become the world's oldest known microlight pilot.

Epic drama? The finally grasped prize that almost instantly crumbles. Just imagine the scene where our dour hero dons the white tie. Excellent. I'm off. Virgin Peach Daiquiris all round!