Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: If girls are aping Kate and Kim we're in trouble

Proper trophy women understand the deal. They wear pinky-beige shoes the colour of Barbie's feet


Andy Murray's well groomed lady, Kim Sears paints portraits of groomed dogs. She also watches, claps, beams, weeps daintily, and is always there, for the dour, world-class tennis player. Like Kate Middleton, she has long hair, a white smile, pleasing clothes, discreet jewellery and displays total loyalty. I can't imagine either of them breaking plates, swearing out loud out of sheer frustration. Pippa, Kate's sister is in waiting for her rich knight to whisk her off to further lavish mediocrity (soon, Pips, soon). These are proper trophy women (PTW) who understand the deal. They are likely to wear pinky-beige shoes the same colour as Barbie's feet and support bandages. Safe. Diana and Fergie, though trained to marry up, were feistier, untameable refusniks. They had to go and did, one into a grave, the other driven by derision into obscurity.

Jamie Oliver's wife, Jools, and Tana, married to Gordon Ramsey, Sloanie scrummy mums represent phase 2 for PTW – they bear babies, appear in Hello! or chatter online about Pilates and mummy porn, stay size 8 and innocuously glam. I mean no disrespect to them as fellow humans. They look nice, seem happy. What I mind is the effect of their vacuity and lack of serious purpose on the younger generations.

When I talk to pupils at schools these days, there are always young girls who want to be like Kate and Pippa, getting ready to be plucked by desirable bachelors. I cannot forgive Cherie Blair for unquestioningly backing Blair's bloody war in Iraq and claiming it was a wifely duty, but I was completely with her when recently at a conference, she slated women who made it their life's mission to hook a loaded bloke and thought that was clever or fulfilling.

Identikit footballer's wives and girlfriends, TV's Desperate Housewives and some male politician's spouses are the antecedents to these latest happy no-doers. A Tory minister in Thatcher's government once asked me to be his mistress in exchange for a flat in Knightsbridge and reassured me his wife didn't mind as she had her big house and privileges, all she really wanted. ( I'll name him when he dies). At my daughter's school, a number of mums went to university, never worked, bagged a man who was wealthy or was going to be. They shopped, met up at the posh members-only gym, went on holidays and ski trips, did up second and third homes. What a waste of life, brain, human potential. Their daughters, even if excellently educated will, depressingly, have learnt all the wrong lessons from mum.

Female success, like female beauty, has undergone a total makeover and the reconstruction is so ingenious, so skilfully achieved, there are no unsightly signs of what it once was. Some call it the "feminisation of feminism". I'm trying hard to guess what that means. Many young women believe (wrongly) that we feminists of old never shaved our underarms and legs, didn't care if we were chubby, hated men and lingerie and preferred stroking each other's bits to being shafted by men, as it were. All those centuries when feminists struggled and died for democratic entitlements, pay parity, custody of children and maintenance, equality at work and in the home, the right to own money, to divorce, not to be raped, mutilated and beaten and also against nuclear proliferation Today these hard- won struggles are either assumed to have just happened, or are not really interesting at all to women who have all that waxing and beautifying, buying and gossiping and smiling to do, not to mention squeeze in daily sessions with personal trainers and cherub raising.

Some females who thought they wanted all this got out of it before it was too late. Esther Lloyd, a book editor, told journalist Clover Stroud from the Sunday Times: "It was a total thrill to start with, but I felt uncomfortably infantilised by it too... I felt like a moving part in his life, rather than someone propelling my own future."

She ended it, married a writer and is much happier. They should send Lloyd to schools to talk to those dreamy schoolgirls. Others realise their mistakes when the lights go off suddenly. As they age, their husbands stray, go off with younger women. The ex-wives get cleverly managed, lower-than-expected divorce settlements. Not only do they feel the loss of a partner and precious nest, they are full of self-loathing for being surrendered wives, and nothing more. Even if the marriages survive, a point comes when mutual contempt poisons family life.

My friend Marie is smart and kind. Her husband is a banker and they live in Surrey: "I wasted everything, everything. He plays golf when he isn't working. I hate him. I thought I was being so clever to get him. Now I know how stupid I was. Young girls mustn't do what I did. They just mustn't". Her two sons have married PTWs. Such women aren't listening now. They will one day, sooner than they think.


React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Cancer Research UK: Corporate Partnerships Volunteer Events Coordinator – London

Voluntary: Cancer Research UK: We’re looking for someone to support our award ...

Ashdown Group: Head of IT - Hertfordshire - £90,000

£70000 - £90000 per annum + bonus + car allowance + benefits: Ashdown Group: H...

Ashdown Group: Application Support Analyst - SQL Server, T-SQL

£28000 - £32000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Application Sup...

Ashdown Group: Systems Analyst / Data Analyst (SQL Server, T-SQL, data)

£28000 - £32000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Systems Analyst...

Day In a Page

Read Next

Errors & Omissions: Outgunned by a lack of military knowledge

Guy Keleny
Ukip leader Nigel Farage in Tiny Tim’s tea shop while canvassing in Rochester this week  

General Election 2015: What on earth happened to Ukip?

Matthew Norman
Major medical journal Lancet under attack for 'extremist hate propaganda' over its coverage of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

Lancet accused of 'anti-Israel hate propaganda' over coverage of Gaza conflict

Threat to free speech as publishers of renowned medical journal are accused of inciting hatred and violence
General Election 2015: Tories and Lib Dems throw their star names west to grab votes

All noisy on the Lib Dems' western front

The party has deployed its big guns in Cornwall to save its seats there. Simon Usborne heads to the heart of the battle
How Etsy became a crafty little earner: The online market has been floated for £1.2bn, but can craft and capitalism coexist?

How Etsy became a crafty little earner

The online market has been floated for £1.2bn, but can craft and capitalism coexist?
Guy Ritchie is the latest filmmaker to tackle King Arthur - one of our most versatile heroes

King Arthur is inspiring Guy Ritchie

Raluca Radulescu explains why his many permutations - from folk hero to chick-lit hunk - never cease to fascinate
Apple Watch: Will it live up to expectations for the man or woman on the street?

Apple Watch: Will it live up to expectations?

The Apple Watch has apparently sold millions even before its launch tomorrow
Don't fear the artichoke: it's a good cook's staple, with more choice than you'd think

Don't fear the artichoke

Artichokes are scary - they've got spikes and hairy bits, and British cooks tend to give them a wide berth. But they're an essential and delicious part of Italian cuisine
11 best men's socks

11 best men's socks

Make a statement with your accessories, starting from the bottom up
Paul Scholes column: Eden Hazard would be my Player of the Year – but I wonder if he has that appetite for goals of Messi or Ronaldo

Paul Scholes column

Hazard would be my Player of the Year – but I wonder if he has that appetite for goals of Messi or Ronaldo
Frank Warren: Tyson Fury will be closely watching Wladimir Klitschko... when he wins it'll be time to do a deal

Frank Warren's Ringside

Tyson Fury will be closely watching Wladimir Klitschko... when he wins it'll be time to do a deal
London Marathon 2015: Kenya's brothers in arms Wilson Kipsang and Dennis Kimetto ready to take on world

Kenya's brothers in arms take on world

Last year Wilson Kipsang had his marathon record taken off him by training partner and friend Dennis Kimetto. They talk about facing off in the London Marathon
Natalie Bennett interview: I've lost track of the last time I saw my Dad but it's not because I refuse to fly

Natalie Bennett interview: I've lost track of the last time I saw my Dad

Green leader prefers to stay clear of her 'painful' family memories but is more open about 'utterly unreasonable' personal attacks
Syria conflict: Khorasan return with a fresh influx of fighters awaiting the order to start 'shooting the birds'

Khorasan is back in Syria

America said these al-Qaeda militants were bombed out of the country last year - but Kim Sengupta hears a different story
General Election 2015: Is William Cash the man to woo Warwickshire North for Ukip?

On the campaign trail with Ukip

Is William Cash the man to woo Warwickshire North?
Four rival Robin Hood movies get Hollywood go-head - and Friar Tuck will become a superhero

Expect a rush on men's tights

Studios line up four Robin Hoods productions
Peter Kay's Car Share: BBC show is the comedian's first TV sitcom in a decade

In the driving seat: Peter Kay

Car Share is the comedian's first TV sitcom in a decade. The programme's co-creator Paul Coleman reveals the challenges of getting the show on the road