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The Independent Online
Our request for things to do with an information super- highway provoked an encouragingly large number of responses from people who didn't know what an Information Superhighway was. "I have no idea what the Information Superhighway is," writes Martin Brown, "but am told it has infinite potential." He therefore proposes using it as a fork discolorant, a songsheet for puppies, the shorter of two pieces of string, a jelly mould for poetry, and its own hairpiece.

Geoffrey Langley quotes the old adage: "hard disks make bad data", and claims that the IS is just a load of old COBOLers. He sees its main use as boosting the sale of anoraks. Alternatively, he sees it as an effective topic if you want to stop any social gathering or supper-party dead in its tracks.

Duncan Bull thinks that "these informative superbyways" could be bought by Railtrack, who could provide them with turnpikes every three-score cubits. "This efficacious scheme would finance the construction of bypasses for settlements which do not desire such inflammation suprahighways anywhere near them."

"If you take a bus and go for a disk drive on the Information Superhighway," writes Tom Gaunt, "you can stop for a byte or even nibble a chip at the terminal." He advises you to look out for a mouse, lest you catch a virus or some sort of bug.

Nicholas E Gough, whose birthday falls on Wednesday, incidentally, thinks the IS could profitably be annexed to allow Creativity readers and contributors direct access to each other's minds.

Michael Rubinstein thinks that the Information Superhighway ought first and primarily be used to explain how it differs from any ordinary information service.

B O'Riley thinks it could be linked directly to the M25, "preferably the half of the M25 sent spinning into space last week as the world's biggest boomerang. Then all the information on the Internet would be spun into total gibberish and nobody would be able to tell the difference."

"Ideal site," say Saer Trichett and Sali Morris in unison, "for information super-roadworks." Their other ideas include high-speed travel for computer viruses and the use of nets to prevent shark-bytes. Finally, they point out that if the Internet had existed at the time, the Greeks and Trojans could have sent each other nasty messages and a graphical horse instead of having a 10-year siege and wasting wood.

Prizes to Martin Brown, Duncan Bull and Trichett-Morris.

Next week, a report on appropriate wedding-anniversary presents, particularly for the 17th. Meanwhile, we seek ideas for things to do with the stuff you scratch off scratch cards, of which a depressingly large amount is steadily accumulating. Write to: Creativity, Independent, 1 Canada Sq, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. Larousse Dictionary of World Folklore prizes for the best ideas received by 13 Oct.

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