Creativity: ideas, thoughts, notions for a thesaurus

Share
Related Topics
Readers' ideas for creative application of a thesaurus divide neatly into two classes: those who thought they saw a thesaurus in Jurassic Park and the others, the rest, the remainder, the residue.

John Dyke says there's not much you can do with a thesaurus except dig it up and carbon date it. Some claim, he maintains, that it was a French tea-drinking lizard (thesaurus), others that it was the generic dinosaur (the-saurus).

Send it back to the Jurassic, advises Mollie Caird, where it can browse happily among the fragrant synonym bushes. Eric Bridgstock suggests extracting a DNA sample from a modern thesaurus to grow a sequel to Jurassic Park, possibly called Back to the Chambers. He also mentions that the WordPerfect thesaurus does not recognise the word "thesaurus".

A similar point is made by Mark Foley, who recommends that you buy a thesaurus from your local bookshop, try looking up the word "thesaurus", and demand your money back. (We don't use the things ourselves, but we are informed that if you want to find "thesaurus" in a thesaurus, you have to look up "dictionary".)

Read, peruse, scrutinise, construe, study it, says RJ Pickles, to increase, develop, enlarge, expand, widen, extend, stretch your vocabulary, lexicon glossary, etymology, language, phraseology.

A good party game, says GP Bowman, is to tear out all the pages of a thesaurus and rearrange them into a dictionary. He always recommends that everyone uses a good-quality thesaurus to look up words with similar meanings. Or alternatively, one incessantly expostulates that one and all utilise a humanitarian peculiarity lexicon to ameliorate spats with consanguineous denotations.

AJ Brewer tell us that:

The Thesaurus is a type of bird

Who'll never ever fly

His weight to volume ratio

Is very much too high.

He flapped his wings with vigour

And so it was he found

The weight of knowledge he contained

Kept him firmly on the ground.

Use a thesaurus, says Tom Gaunt, for swatting verbose insects. Also, he claims, for settling arguments: "Just hit the person you are arguing with on the head with a thesaurus and they'll soon see your point of view. This is known as argumentum ad hominem."

Equipped with a thesaurus, says Maurice Hulks, our army could jam the enemy's fax machines and bore them into submission. Equally belligerently Martin Brown points out that a thesaurus catapulted out of a hammock can crack a tortoise's shell at 50 paces.

"Thesaurus if porous will take up your make-up," says MA Higgs. "If not, you can jot folk's ages on t' pages."

Stuart Cockerill informs us that the International Commission on Scientific Nomenclature has identified the thesaurus as related to the tortoise, so all tortoidal ideas apply. He therefore advocates their use as prosthetic beer-bellies for visitors to Yorkshire. Roy Bland prefers using them as humps for Quasimodo impersonators.

Win it/one, says Nicholas E Gough. He does, and so do GP Bowman and Tom Gaunt. Next week, we shall discuss semi-colons.

Meanwhile, we are looking for things to do with escalators. Can you help? Ideas to: Creativity, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. Chambers Combined Dictionary-Thesaurus prizes for the best suggestions.

React Now

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Dynamics CRM Developer (C#, .NET, Dynamics CRM 2011/2013)

£40000 - £60000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Dynamics CRM D...

Web Developer (C#, ASP.NET, AJAX, JavaScript, MVC, HTML)

£40000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Web Developer ...

C# R&D .NET Developer-Algorithms, WCF, WPF, Agile, ASP.NET,MVC

£50000 - £67000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# R&D .NE...

C# Developer (Web, HTML5, CSS3, ASP.NET, JS, Visual Studios)

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Developer (...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Deputy Editor's Letter:

Independent Voices, Indy Voices Rhodri Jones
A couple stand in front of a beautiful cloudy scene  

In sickness and in health: It’s been stormy but there are blessings in the clouds

Rebecca Armstrong
Super Mario crushes the Messi dream as Germany win the 2014 World Cup in Brazil

Super Mario crushes the Messi dream

Germany win the 2014 World Cup in Brazil
Saharan remains may be evidence of the first race war, 13,000 years ago

The first race war, 13,000 years ago?

Saharan remains may be evidence of oldest large-scale armed conflict
Scientists find early warning system for Alzheimer’s

Scientists find early warning system for Alzheimer’s

Researchers hope eye tests can spot ‘biomarkers’ of the disease
Sex, controversy and schoolgirl schtick

Meet Japan's AKB48

Pop, sex and schoolgirl schtick make for controversial success
Iraq crisis: How Saudi Arabia helped Isis take over the north of the country

How Saudi Arabia helped Isis take over northern Iraq

A speech by an ex-MI6 boss hints at a plan going back over a decade. In some areas, being Shia is akin to being a Jew in Nazi Germany, says Patrick Cockburn
The evolution of Andy Serkis: First Gollum, then King Kong - now the actor is swinging through the trees in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

The evolution of Andy Serkis

First Gollum, then King Kong - now the actor is swinging through the trees in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
You thought 'Benefits Street' was controversial: Follow-up documentary 'Immigrant Street' has got locals worried

You thought 'Benefits Street' was controversial...

Follow-up documentary 'Immigrant Street' has got locals worried
Refugee children from Central America let down by Washington's high ideals

Refugee children let down by Washington's high ideals

Democrats and Republicans refuse to set aside their differences to cope with the influx of desperate Central Americas, says Rupert Cornwell
Children's books are too white, says Laureate

Children's books are too white, says Laureate

Malorie Blackman appeals for a better ethnic mix of authors and characters and the illustrator Quentin Blake comes to the rescue
Blackest is the new black: Scientists have developed a material so dark that you can't see it...

Blackest is the new black

Scientists have developed a material so dark that you can't see it...
Matthew Barzun: America's diplomatic dude

Matthew Barzun: America's diplomatic dude

The US Ambassador to London holds 'jeans and beer' gigs at his official residence – it's all part of the job, he tells Chris Green
Meet the Quantified Selfers: From heart rates to happiness, there is little this fast-growing, self-tracking community won't monitor

Meet the 'Quantified Selfers'

From heart rates to happiness, there is little this fast-growing, self-tracking community won't monitor
Madani Younis: Five-star reviews are just the opening act for British theatre's first non-white artistic director

Five-star reviews are just the opening act for British theatre's first non-white artistic director

Madani Younis wants the neighbourhood to follow his work as closely as his audiences do
Mrs Brown and her boys: are they having a laugh?

Mrs Brown and her boys: are they having a laugh?

When it comes to national stereotyping, the Irish – among others – know it can pay to play up to outsiders' expectations, says DJ Taylor