creativity pick your nose in stereo

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The Independent Online
So many ideas and so little space, so let's bring on the sugar tongs. Firstly, we have a detailed outline, from Mark Walmsley, for the film of Edward Sugartongs, a lonely young man with a strange physical attribute, much-prized at suburban coffee mornings. (Full treatment on application.)

Paul Eiken, recounts a tale, probably apocryphal, of a young domestic servant in Oslo who, on being questioned about the location of the silver sugar tongs, said she had "put them in the lavatory for the gentlemen to use". Ideas in brief:

Aids for the genteel eating of asparagus, or paper clips for Fergie's unpaid bills (Edward Duncombe); super-dooper pooper-scoopers for chihuahuas (Linda Browning, who also maintains that posh people use them when throwing sugar lumps at each other); as a simple way of extracting cube roots (Geoffrey Langley); bonsai leaf rake (Ciaran Ryan); croquet hoops for sugar daddies (Fred Phipps); for rescuing drowning flies from soup, or DIY tonsillectomies (RJ Pickles); in sets of four to make prototypical spider with sugar melted to form carapace (Fiona Earle).

John Hampson suggests forceps for small-animal vets; scratching-aid for knights in armour; tea-bag extractor; anti-snoring device; or picker-up of trifles on Amstrad boss's desk. James Hill uses them to handle Amstrad floppies and writs from Terry Venables.

Trainee chopsticks for Chinese baby food, says Gerry Flanagan, while Len Clarke tells us they are used as tuning forks for Haydn's "Cutlery" symphony. His mice also use them as springboards to reach the top shelf of his larder. That's when his brass monkeys aren't using them as ear- muffs.

De-tuning fork for punk rock, says David Rowan, or serving spoons for nouvelle cuisine. More next week, if the boomerangs leave enough room. Prizes to: John Hampson, Len Clarke, David Rowan. We now seek uses for those bits of plastic you can't stir tea with. Ideas to: Creativity, usual address. Chambers Dictionaries will go to those with the most stirring ideas.

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