More bestially, Len Clarke sees golf courses as holiday resorts for rich mice, with lovely hills, sandy beaches, big lakes, 18 sunbathing areas and cricket fields (with a central hole for the mouse at cover point).
Shrink them, advises Mollie Caird, fit them with legs and sell them as very challenging snooker tables. Nicholas E Gough suggests using "the exquisite turf from the greens" to resurface Stamford Bridge. Des Waller wants golf courses given over to the game of "flog" - similar to golf except that the object is to keep your ball out of the holes.
"Golf courses," says IF Wolstenholme, "would be the ideal places to build all the roads people don't want." Alternatively, he sees them as Kitty Camps, complete with luxurious litter-tray bunkers, to recreate the Bodmin Moor experience.
Assemble all the bunkers around Wigan Pier, says Maurice Hulks, to make the best beach in the UK. The red flags could then warn against bathing and the hole-buckets be given away as an inducement to holiday-makers. The rough, he says, could be sent back to Wiltshire "where they know what to do with it", a point already confirmed by Ms Cole.
Hang the course on a line, advises Tony Haken, and beat well to remove all lost balls, lost golfers and sand. Use the little flags for your cocktail olives. Then roll out smoothly and wrap round the Albert Memorial to keep the old chap warm.
Give the holes back to the rabbits and the Tees back to Stockport, says RJ Pickles. Nick Wright suggests conversion to an open-air zoo, with eagles, birdies, albatrosses and even lynx already there.
Golf courses are obviously retirement homes for urban lawn sprinklers, says John Parke. Wastelands for French nuclear tests, says Duncan Bull. Resettlement areas for orphaned moles, says Julia Milton. Leave flags in holes, advises Mark Baptist, fill with orange juice, freeze, and you have a lolly on a stick for giraffes. Fill holes with bubble mixture of different colours, says Joanna Warrand, to create rainbow effect whenever there's a light breeze.
Prizes to IF Wolstenholme, Mark Baptist, Julia Milton.
After the summer break, we hope to start the world's first weekly creative interactive soap opera written entirely by readers. At present we are seeking a title, characters, location, an opening line, some plot and sub-plot ideas, snatches of dialogue, indeed anything that may form part of a rollicking good story. Larousse Dictionary of World Folklore prizes for the best ideas, the shorter the better. Contributions to Creativity (usual address).