Does this make you (a) laugh, (b) groan, (c) turn over?

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The Independent Online
ARE YOU an optimist, a pessimist or just a realist? It's quite important for you to know which, so that you can evaluate your own behaviour. And all you have to do to find out which category you come into is to do this simple questionnaire.

If, as you select the answer, you find yourself answering (a) most often, you are an optimist, and a pessimist if you go most often for (b). If you tend to favour (c), you are a realist. If none of the answers appeals to you, you come into a different category called 'bloody-minded'.

1. When you are bidden to 'have a nice day', what is your immediate response?

a) Go right ahead and have a nice day.

b) Grip the utterer by the throat and choke them to death.

c) Wonder if the person who has just uttered these words really means it or has been ordered to do so by their employer.

2. When the telephone rings at home, do you:

a) Hope it's for you?

b) Hope it's a wrong number?

c) Leave it ringing till it stops?

3. When you see a shiny object on the pavement in front of you, what do you assume it will be?

a) A pound coin.

b) A discarded ring pull.

c) A piece of chewing gum petrified and polished by contact with millions of feet.

4. When you answer the phone and the person at the other end says hastily: 'Oh, sorry . . .' and rings off straightaway, who do you assume it was?

a) A nuisance caller who has suddenly seen the error of their ways and become a born-again Christian as they were dialling.

b) Your partner's lover.

c) Princess Diana.

5. When you open the curtain in the morning and see a brilliant blue sky what do you do?

a) Say: 'What a great day]'

b) Think: 'It won't last.'

c) Go back to sleep.

6. When you open the curtain and it's raining, what do you do?

a) Say: 'We need it.'

b) Think: 'We need it, but it won't last.'

c) Go back to sleep.

7. When you get an anonymous-looking brown envelope in the post, do you:

a) Assume it is a present?

b) Assume it is a tax bill?

c) Open it to see what's inside?

8. When you come across a recipe in a magazine which, for once, sounds attractive and feasible, do you:

a) Cook it the very same day?

b) Assume that if it is easy enough for you to do, it can't be worth doing?

c) Try to spot the unobtainable ingredient which experience has taught you is contained within every recipe?

9. If the newsagent has run out of copies of your usual newspaper, do you:

a) Joyfully seize the chance to experiment with another daily?

b) Gloomily settle for Exchange and Mart?

c) Go to another newsagent?

10. When you find a single hair in your empty bath, do you:

a) Remove it?

b) Assume, quite illogically, that it is some complete stranger's pubic hair?

c) Glance immediately in the mirror to see if you look any balder than before?

11. If you are hailed in the street and you turn round to see what seems to be a complete stranger joyfully bearing down on you, do you:

a) Prepare cheerfully for a reunion with an old mate?

b) Prepare to lie yourself silly?

c) Run like mad?

12. Which of these infuriating phrases do you most often use?

a) 'Thumbs up]'

b) 'Chance would be a fine thing'

c) 'Que sera, sera.'

13. When you use the word 'philosophical', do you mean:

a) A reference to philosophy?

b) A lugubrious resignation to the buffets of fate?

c) The kind of programme on Radio 3 which you immediately switch off?

14. When you see the word 'buffet' written down, which of the following do you immediately think it is?

a) A mouth-watering picnic spread.

b) A painful blow to the side of the head.

c) An item of furniture.

15. When faced with a quiz like this do you:

a) Seriously believe it can tell you anything about yourself?

b) Give up long before you get this far?

c) Tick the answers heavily with a pen so that nobody else can do it after you?