What, one wonders, did Prince William make of Christmas chez the Middletons? A bit on the cramped side, accommodation-wise, perhaps, compared with Sandringham, but less draughty, too. Do they have a real tree or an artificial one? Lights flashing or not? And without staff – we may be wrong, but we assume the Middletons do their own cooking and serving – there may have been a bit more, how shall we put it, jostling and banter at table, if only to get another helping of cranberry sauce.
They must have worn silly hats, and followed up with games taken from Pippa's party playbook – after all, William was with the experts here. If the Middletons can't indulge in carpet bowls and Consequences after Christmas dinner, who can? And even if no one stood for the National Anthem before Granny's star turn at 3pm – a knotty protocol problem here – someone must have handed out the personalised 3D glasses. Which prompts us to ask whether there was any discreet intervention from the Palace to the effect that they were not, repeat not, to be advertised afterwards on eBay.