Electric dreams

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The Independent Online

Progress and new knowledge press all around us as the insatiable, even defining, curiosity of humankind rampages on. In Paris, they are displaying old bones and closing in on our origins; in Mongolia, a new species of camel is discovered; elsewhere, there is all manner of interest over the DNA of the extinct elephant bird, and news, too, of an exciting electrical implant that could help women to achieve orgasm.

Progress and new knowledge press all around us as the insatiable, even defining, curiosity of humankind rampages on. In Paris, they are displaying old bones and closing in on our origins; in Mongolia, a new species of camel is discovered; elsewhere, there is all manner of interest over the DNA of the extinct elephant bird, and news, too, of an exciting electrical implant that could help women to achieve orgasm.

It is that last which interests us particularly. Normally, the arcane workings of science leave us, as representatives of the lay fraternity, flailing a little. But, in this case, we can see terrific potential.

For if an electrical implant can do that, why can't it also trigger various other processes, and help us to: 1) Recollect important phone calls. 2) Duck. 3) Pick up the umbrella. 4) Negotiate the M25. 5) Cancel the milk. 6) Say "Yes" and "No" and smile in the right places during conversations of limited interest. 7) Time the run to the far post better. 8) Take a keen interest in Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. 9) Remember when it is our turn to buy a drink. 10) Learn to love this Government.

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