Smash hits

Poptastic! TOTP: 2000! No, it's all right, we'll calm down now. Nevertheless, we couldn't let last night's 2,000th edition of Top of the Pops pass unmarked. It's fashionable, we know, to regard TOTP as hopelessly unfashionable, but that is to miss the point. TOTP has the same quality as Spaghetti Junction, Tony Benn, Tony Bennett, Burt Bacharach, the anorak, brown sauce and the Tridentine mass: they are beyond cool, and beyond criticism.

So, time now for our Top TOTP Moments. And, straight in at number three: Arthur Mullard and Hylda Baker, "You're The One That I Want". Number two: Barry Manilow standing in a plastic paddling pool, doing "Bermuda Triangle". But, still there, unchallenged, at number one: Pan's People waggling their fingers at four retrievers to illustrate Gilbert O'Sullivan's lyric: "You're a bad dog, baby, but I still want you around." We say: da dum de dee dum!