If only it could be half-term every week ...

Share
Related Topics
You may be wondering why so many men came to work early this morning. That's right, it is half- term. A wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with your beloved offspring - so important in this era of commuting career women and overworked dads.

For you lucky parents who managed to get the week off, here are some ideas. Have fun!

Monday

Today is Chinese New Year. Why not visit Chinatown? Wonderfully colourful, and multicultural, too. The children will love the bright shop windows. Off we go!

No, that is not dried bear's gizzard, darling. Is it? Oh dear. No, we can't go in. No! Come over here and look at this lovely procession of dragons. Tempting to run after, I know, but Chinatown is very compact. And there is a police station round the corner. What did I tell you? Nice Mr Policeman found them in a trice. All better now? Off we go!

Tearful, are we? Must be all the excitement. Though, yes, the fireworks are rather loud. Why not cheer ourselves up with a plate of dim sum - children are not conservative eaters, given half a chance. And only a half-hour wait for a table. No, I am afraid they don't sell fish fingers, but crab soup is just as delicious. Yes it is! Here comes the aeroplane ... Oopsadaisy! Can we have some more prawn crackers, please? Without monosodium glutamate if possible. Oh, I see. Never mind. They'll calm down eventually. Well, at least they don't have to go to school tomorrow. And didn't we have a lovely day!

Tuesday

Pancake day! Children love cooking and batter is so easy to make. Simply whizz up four ounces of plain flour, half a pint of milk, two eggs and a pinch of salt, and hey presto. Self-raising wholemeal is fine. I'm sure it is. Simply sieve out the weevils! Has anybody seen the Magimix?

Oh dear. Are you sure that's a non-stick pan? Perhaps you had the ring on too high. Never mind! I'm sure they taste delicious. No? Well, the supermarket sells wonderful ready-made pancakes these days. Only pounds 1.35 for six. And gosh, we've suddenly run out of whisky. Wasn't there half a bottle left over from Christmas? No, we are not going back for lemons. Bedtime, darling. Daddy's just having a little drink. For his sore throat.

Aren't we having fun? Three glorious days to go! Five, if you count the weekend.

Wednesday

Unfortunately, Daddy had to go back to work today. Some kind of emergency, apparently. Never mind, we can have a lovely time with Mummy, even though she is a bit hung-over. Naughty Mummy!

So, what shall we do today? Unfortunately Legoland is not open yet. Yes, I know it's raining. How about a trip to the swimming pool? Mummy will just sit here quietly in the spectator gallery, because you're so good on your own now. Believe me, that is what lifeguards are for. Yes, she can see you from the cafe. If you swim in the bottom right-hand corner. Honestly. Well, I had to go outside. The only one. Our little secret, OK? Aren't we having a lovely half-term?

Thursday

No, we can't go swimming again. No! I don't care if Bettina always takes you after school on a Thursday - she's on holiday. For the last time: LEGOLAND IS NOT OPEN. And if you ask one more time, you are not going when it does open. I don't care if you tell Daddy about the ciggies. Believe me, your father is not on the moral high ground at the moment.

It's not my fault it's raining. Whatever happened to creativity? Why don't you do some painting? Or read a book? It is not boring. It's just that Mummy needs a little kip. All right, you can watch telly. And will you go to the shop for some sherry? Tell Mr Patel that Mummy's in making a trifle. And 20 Bensons. For Mummy's friend. OK, some Easter eggs. Very important spring ritual. See you in a bit, darling ... Bettina? Is that you? There's a flight tomorrow at 9.05am.

Friday

Daddy's taking you to the office. Yes, he is. Believe me, sweetheart, the emergency is over. He can't wait for you to arrive. You can go to the canteen. And use the lift. There's a vending machine. And there will be lots of other children there, too, spending quality time with their parents. Mummy's going shopping with Bettina.

Happy half-term!

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Front-End UI Application Developer

£30000 - £40000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: Front-End UI Application ...

Recruitment Genius: Digital Account Executive

£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Service Engineers - Doncaster / Hull

£27000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Domestic Service Only Engineers are requ...

Recruitment Genius: Employability / Recruitment Adviser

£23600 - £27500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The Employability Service withi...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: how to spell BBQ and other linguistic irregularities

John Rentoul
 

South Africa's race problem is less between black and white than between poor blacks and immigrants from sub-Saharan Africa

John Carlin
Where the spooks get their coffee fix: The busiest Starbucks in the US is also the most secretive

The secret CIA Starbucks

The coffee shop is deep inside the agency's forested Virginia compound
Revealed: How the Establishment closed ranks over fallout from Loch Ness Monster 'sighting'

How the Establishment closed ranks over fallout from Nessie 'sighting'

The Natural History Museum's chief scientist was dismissed for declaring he had found the monster
One million Britons using food banks, according to Trussell Trust

One million Britons using food banks

Huge surge in number of families dependent on emergency food aid
Excavation at Italian cafe to fix rising damp unearths 2,500 years of history in 3,000 amazing objects

2,500 years of history in 3,000 amazing objects

Excavation at Italian cafe to fix rising damp unearths trove
The Hubble Space Telescope's amazing journey, 25 years on

The Hubble Space Telescope's amazing journey 25 years on

The space telescope was seen as a costly flop on its first release
Did Conservative peer Lord Ashcroft quit the House of Lords to become a non-dom?

Did Lord Ashcroft quit the House of Lords to become a non-dom?

A document seen by The Independent shows that a week after he resigned from the Lords he sold 350,000 shares in an American company - netting him $11.2m
Apple's ethnic emojis are being used to make racist comments on social media

Ethnic emojis used in racist comments

They were intended to promote harmony, but have achieved the opposite
Sir Kenneth Branagh interview: 'My bones are in the theatre'

Sir Kenneth Branagh: 'My bones are in the theatre'

The actor-turned-director’s new company will stage five plays from October – including works by Shakespeare and John Osborne
The sloth is now the face (and furry body) of three big advertising campaigns

The sloth is the face of three ad campaigns

Priya Elan discovers why slow and sleepy wins the race for brands in need of a new image
How to run a restaurant: As two newbies discovered, there's more to it than good food

How to run a restaurant

As two newbies discovered, there's more to it than good food
Record Store Day: Remembering an era when buying and selling discs were labours of love

Record Store Day: The vinyl countdown

For Lois Pryce, working in a record shop was a dream job - until the bean counters ruined it
Usher, Mary J Blige and Will.i.am to give free concert as part of the Global Poverty Project

Mary J Blige and Will.i.am to give free concert

The concert in Washington is part of the Global Citizen project, which aims to encourage young people to donate to charity
10 best tote bags

Accessorise with a stylish shopper this spring: 10 best tote bags

We find carriers with room for all your essentials (and a bit more)
Paul Scholes column: I hear Manchester City are closing on Pep Guardiola for next summer – but I'd also love to see Jürgen Klopp managing in England

Paul Scholes column

I hear Manchester City are closing on Pep Guardiola for next summer – but I'd also love to see Jürgen Klopp managing in England
Jessica Ennis-Hill: 'I just want to give it my best shot'

Jessica Ennis-Hill: 'I just want to give it my best shot'

The heptathlete has gone from the toast of the nation to being a sleep-deprived mum - but she’s ready to compete again. She just doesn't know how well she'll do...