Right, so, it might not be exactly YOUR FAULT, but it's not entirely not your fault either. The IPCC climate change report, released today in Stockholm, has upped the certainty that man is the dominant cause of climate change to 95 per cent. Pretty certain, overall. And unless you happen to be an ape blessed with extraordinary powers of literacy, the fact that you're understanding this sentence implicates you in the whole heating mess. So here are ten Dos and Don'ts you can follow to cook the planet an infinitesimally smaller amount...
... recycle. If you think recycling is old news, read this stunning New York Times piece on its impact.
... read James Delingpole. It will steam up the brain.
... use your own coffee mug. Smugness is an unavoidable side-effect of this. But, as Kate Moss said, nothing looks as good as smug feels.
... read the Daily Express. It says things like 'the number of people who do not believe climate change is real has increased 400% since 2005'. This is garbage.
... eat one less serving of meat a week. The chair of the IPCC says this is the best you can do "in terms of immediacy of action".
... drive a car like this. Unless your school run is a) through a warzone b) filled with spectacular jumps.
... try and avoid plastic bags. When humanity is fried off the face of the earth, they will remain, conquerors of the earth. Immortal.
... Leave the lights on. Print out unnecessary emails. Play any part in deforestation.
... Plant a tree.