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Poll: Greg Dyke thinks England have been drawn in a Group of Death. But can't we think of a better name this time?

'Group of Death' is so 2002. Now we need a new name for this actually-quite-difficult-looking set-up.

The Group of Nervousness

There's no Brazil, or Germany. Chairman of the FA Greg Dyke might think we're for it - as he was caught on camera making a cut-throat gesture - but a nation good at football (like, say, Uruguay) could be fairly confident of progress.

The Group of Fools

This year’s group is populated by many players who are foolish. These men, in order neither of age, nationality or height, are: Mario Balotelli, Luis Suarez, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, Gianluigi Buffon. Yes, Buffon. He boasts about watching porn before playing big matches.

Statistically, Costa Rica are the least foolish team in the group. But will this guarantee qualification to the group stages?

The Group of Two Continents

This year’s group has teams from two continents: Europe and South America. Which teams will progress? It could be two teams from Europe, or it could be two teams from South America? It could even be a team from each continent!

The Group of Post-colonial intrigue

England and Italy represent Old Europe. Both have dabbled, shall we say, in colonialism. Up against them are Latin American countries both previously conquered by European colonisers, the Spanish. Ooooooooo.

 


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