As the Duchess of Cambridge goes into labour, there is one group of people for whom the event is, arguably, even more exciting than it is for the actual Royal Family. They are the royal watchers, self-appointed royal experts who'll go without sleep and food to make sure that not a single moment of 24-hour news coverage is unadorned with royal trivia. But who are these brave men and women?
Royal qualifications: Mr Arbiter was the Queen's press spokesman until 2000. Like royalty itself, the Arbiter fascination with the Windsors appears to be hereditary; His daughter Victoria Arbiter works as a commentator on the Royal Family for CBS News in the US.
Distinguishing features: You will know Dickie by his garish multicoloured ties
Mundane musings: "We don't know who the god parents are going to be so unwise to speculate"
Royal qualifications: As a royal historian and the author of books including Becoming Queen and Young Elizabeth: The Making of Our Queen, Williams infuses her witterings with a historical perspective.
Distinguishing features: Like the royal baby, Ms Williams was born to greatness. How else to explain the apt (and search engine optimising) combination of the royal parent names within her own moniker?
Mundane musings: "I suspect they might go for something like Mary, which is easy to say."
Royal qualifications: Moody is the author of Kate: A Biography, described as "fully illustrated" by the Lancashire Evening Post.
Distinguishing features: Deeply sympathetic tone and facial expression
Mundane musings: "Kate grew up in the countryside, so I think that will be a huge part of the new baby's life"
Royal qualifications: As The Sun's royal photographer since 1977, Edwards has pointed his camera in the direction of seven royal weddings and 4 funerals. He was also at the hospital the day Prince William was born
Distinguishing features: A permanently sun-burnt bald spot from hours spent outdoors waiting for royals to appear on balconies
Mundane musings: "Whether it can be as good the second time round? Well, I'll have to let you know."