Jobs for the girls

Share
Related Topics
The news this week has been dominated by three nice middle-class girls called Lisa, Liz and Di. Bright, ambitious, a few years apart in age, they could have been friends. Instead, they offer a lesson in the perils of female celebrity.

Here comes fresh-faced Lisa, wife of the disgraced former Barings trader Nick Leeson. When he fell to Earth, Lisa got on with her life, sensibly moved in with her parents in Kent, got a job as a part-time waitress. Now Lisa has become the world's first celebrity flight attendant, employed by the people at Virgin Atlantic. And why not? She likes to waitress, she needs to travel. Now she's a waitress in the sky.

Good for you, Lisa. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"Hello, my name is Lisa and I'll be looking after you on today's flight to Singapore."

"Singapore? I'm on my way to Washington!"

"Don't worry, sir, we're flying the other way today."

"But I've got a vital meeting at 3pm. Will we make it in time?"

"Of course we will, sir! We're just stopping off in Germany for a few weeks." (Smiles brightly.) "Please make sure your seat is in an upright position."

"What about the safety talk?"

"Oh we don't bother with than any more, sir. Virgin trusts its staff implicitly." (Smiles brightly.) "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Oh God ... get me a large whisky."

"I'm sorry, sir. We only have water available today. I think you'll find it goes very well with the dry bread."

"Just give me a pair of earphones, will you?"

"Certainly, sir. Our film programme today is Wall Street followed by Escape from Alcatraz." (Smiles brightly.)

Just kidding! As the people at Virgin said this week, Lisa's appointment was "based on her own merits, personality, and skills".

Next, teetering ever so slightly in her sparkly shoes, comes lovely Liz Hurley, girlfriend of the disgraced film star Hugh Grant. When he fell to Earth, Liz got on with her life, having just taken a job as an icon for the people at Estee Lauder. Look, here she is in Vogue, advertising Perfectionist Lightweight Creme Makeup: "Luminous, polished, refined." And why not? Liz is luminous, polished, refined.

Good for you, Liz. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"Elizabeth? Waft in, please. What's all this about you having an affair. It's all over the Sun."

"Jeez Estee, it was years ago."

"Yeah, but who the hell is Tom Sizemore?"

"He's an actor, like my boyfriend. Except better."

"My dear Elizabeth, Hugh Grant happens to be a class act. Luminous, polished, refined."

"Class act? You call oral sex with a hooker a class act?"

Just kidding! As the people at Estee Lauder said when Lizzie's appointment was announced: "Her relationship with anyone else has nothing to do with our choice as spokeswoman."

Finally let's give a big welcome to Princess Di, wife of disgraced heir to the throne Prince Charles. When he fell to Earth, Di got on with her life, as mother, charity worker, ambassador for Britain. Good for you, Di. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"What are we going to do about this cellulite problem, your Highness? The Express called it "poison deposits, like slime at the bottom of the river".

"Oh, Max, you know as well as I that there's no such thing as cellulite. Women who aren't bulimic and who don't go to the gym every day have wobbly thighs. It's a patriarchal conspiracy."

"But your Highness, you do go to the gym every day."

"Do I? Erm, that's because I used to be a princess and princesses have to be perfect. But I've been in therapy, and I'm a person in my own right now. Almost."

The moral? If you're going to be famous, get there on your own merits. Otherwise, you're only as good as the man who got you there in the first place.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Online Media Sales Trainee

£15000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Now our rapidly expanding and A...

Recruitment Genius: Public House Manager / Management Couples

£15000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Are you passionate about great ...

Recruitment Genius: Production Planner

£20000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast growing reinforcing s...

Recruitment Genius: General Factory Operatives

£18000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast growing reinforcing s...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

If I were Prime Minister: Every privatised corner of the NHS would be taken back into public ownership

Philip Pullman
 

Errors & Omissions: Magna Carta, sexing bishops and ministerial aides

John Rentoul
As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

Mussolini tried to warn his ally of the danger of bringing the country to its knees. So should we, says Patrick Cockburn
Britain's widening poverty gap should be causing outrage at the start of the election campaign

The short stroll that should be our walk of shame

Courting the global elite has failed to benefit Britain, as the vast disparity in wealth on display in the capital shows
Homeless Veterans appeal: The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty

Homeless Veterans appeal

The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty
Prince Charles the saviour of the nation? A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king

Prince Charles the saviour of the nation?

A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king
How books can defeat Isis: Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad

How books can defeat Isis

Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad
Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

She may be in charge of minimising our risks of injury, but the chair of the Health and Safety Executive still wants children to be able to hurt themselves
The open loathing between Barack Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu just got worse

The open loathing between Obama and Netanyahu just got worse

The Israeli PM's relationship with the Obama has always been chilly, but going over the President's head on Iran will do him no favours, says Rupert Cornwell
French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

Fury at British best restaurants survey sees French magazine produce a rival list
Star choreographer Matthew Bourne gives young carers a chance to perform at Sadler's Wells

Young carers to make dance debut

What happened when superstar choreographer Matthew Bourne encouraged 27 teenage carers to think about themselves for once?
Design Council's 70th anniversary: Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch

Design Council's 70th anniversary

Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch
Dame Harriet Walter: The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment

Dame Harriet Walter interview

The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment
Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

Critics of Tom Stoppard's new play seem to agree that cerebral can never trump character, says DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's winter salads will make you feel energised through February

Bill Granger's winter salads

Salads aren't just a bit on the side, says our chef - their crunch, colour and natural goodness are perfect for a midwinter pick-me-up
England vs Wales: Cool head George Ford ready to put out dragon fire

George Ford: Cool head ready to put out dragon fire

No 10’s calmness under pressure will be key for England in Cardiff
Michael Calvin: Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links