Jobs for the girls

Share
Related Topics
The news this week has been dominated by three nice middle-class girls called Lisa, Liz and Di. Bright, ambitious, a few years apart in age, they could have been friends. Instead, they offer a lesson in the perils of female celebrity.

Here comes fresh-faced Lisa, wife of the disgraced former Barings trader Nick Leeson. When he fell to Earth, Lisa got on with her life, sensibly moved in with her parents in Kent, got a job as a part-time waitress. Now Lisa has become the world's first celebrity flight attendant, employed by the people at Virgin Atlantic. And why not? She likes to waitress, she needs to travel. Now she's a waitress in the sky.

Good for you, Lisa. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"Hello, my name is Lisa and I'll be looking after you on today's flight to Singapore."

"Singapore? I'm on my way to Washington!"

"Don't worry, sir, we're flying the other way today."

"But I've got a vital meeting at 3pm. Will we make it in time?"

"Of course we will, sir! We're just stopping off in Germany for a few weeks." (Smiles brightly.) "Please make sure your seat is in an upright position."

"What about the safety talk?"

"Oh we don't bother with than any more, sir. Virgin trusts its staff implicitly." (Smiles brightly.) "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Oh God ... get me a large whisky."

"I'm sorry, sir. We only have water available today. I think you'll find it goes very well with the dry bread."

"Just give me a pair of earphones, will you?"

"Certainly, sir. Our film programme today is Wall Street followed by Escape from Alcatraz." (Smiles brightly.)

Just kidding! As the people at Virgin said this week, Lisa's appointment was "based on her own merits, personality, and skills".

Next, teetering ever so slightly in her sparkly shoes, comes lovely Liz Hurley, girlfriend of the disgraced film star Hugh Grant. When he fell to Earth, Liz got on with her life, having just taken a job as an icon for the people at Estee Lauder. Look, here she is in Vogue, advertising Perfectionist Lightweight Creme Makeup: "Luminous, polished, refined." And why not? Liz is luminous, polished, refined.

Good for you, Liz. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"Elizabeth? Waft in, please. What's all this about you having an affair. It's all over the Sun."

"Jeez Estee, it was years ago."

"Yeah, but who the hell is Tom Sizemore?"

"He's an actor, like my boyfriend. Except better."

"My dear Elizabeth, Hugh Grant happens to be a class act. Luminous, polished, refined."

"Class act? You call oral sex with a hooker a class act?"

Just kidding! As the people at Estee Lauder said when Lizzie's appointment was announced: "Her relationship with anyone else has nothing to do with our choice as spokeswoman."

Finally let's give a big welcome to Princess Di, wife of disgraced heir to the throne Prince Charles. When he fell to Earth, Di got on with her life, as mother, charity worker, ambassador for Britain. Good for you, Di. But how long will it last? Because you know how people talk:

"What are we going to do about this cellulite problem, your Highness? The Express called it "poison deposits, like slime at the bottom of the river".

"Oh, Max, you know as well as I that there's no such thing as cellulite. Women who aren't bulimic and who don't go to the gym every day have wobbly thighs. It's a patriarchal conspiracy."

"But your Highness, you do go to the gym every day."

"Do I? Erm, that's because I used to be a princess and princesses have to be perfect. But I've been in therapy, and I'm a person in my own right now. Almost."

The moral? If you're going to be famous, get there on your own merits. Otherwise, you're only as good as the man who got you there in the first place.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: General Processor

£7 per hour: Recruitment Genius: A vacancy has arisen for a General Processor ...

Recruitment Genius: Outbound Sales Executive - B2B

£18000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A great opportunity has arisen ...

Recruitment Genius: Online Sales and Customer Services Associate

£14000 - £16000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Full time and Part time positio...

Ashdown Group: IT Manager - Salesforce / Reports / CRM - North London - NfP

£45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: An established and reputable Not for Profit o...

Day In a Page

Read Next
MP David Lammy would become the capital’s first black mayor if he won the 2016 Mayoral election  

Crime, punishment and morals: we’re entering a maze with no clear exit

Simon Kelner
 

The two most important parts of Obama’s legacy could be on the brink of collapse, and this time there's no back-up plan

David Usborne
War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable
Living with Alzheimer's: What is it really like to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia?

What is it like to live with Alzheimer's?

Depicting early-onset Alzheimer's, the film 'Still Alice' had a profound effect on Joy Watson, who lives with the illness. She tells Kate Hilpern how she's coped with the diagnosis
The Internet of Things: Meet the British salesman who gave real-world items a virtual life

Setting in motion the Internet of Things

British salesman Kevin Ashton gave real-world items a virtual life
Election 2015: Latest polling reveals Tories and Labour on course to win the same number of seats - with the SNP holding the balance of power

Election 2015: A dead heat between Mr Bean and Dick Dastardly!

Lord Ashcroft reveals latest polling – and which character voters associate with each leader
Audiences queue up for 'true stories told live' as cult competition The Moth goes global

Cult competition The Moth goes global

The non-profit 'slam storytelling' competition was founded in 1997 by the novelist George Dawes Green and has seen Malcolm Gladwell, Salman Rushdie and Molly Ringwald all take their turn at the mic
Pakistani women come out fighting: A hard-hitting play focuses on female Muslim boxers

Pakistani women come out fighting

Hard-hitting new play 'No Guts, No Heart, No Glory' focuses on female Muslim boxers
11 best gel eyeliners

Go bold this season: 11 best gel eyeliners

Use an ink pot eyeliner to go bold on the eyes with this season's feline flicked winged liner
Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Heptathlete ready to jump at first major title

Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Ready to jump at first major title

After her 2014 was ruined by injury, 21-year-old Briton is leading pentathlete going into this week’s European Indoors. Now she intends to turn form into gold
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

Poldark star Heida Reed

'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers