Letter: Divorce can be good, for parents and children

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The Independent Online
For the worst part of 20 years I struggled to sustain an appalling marriage because the wisdom of the day dictated that you stay together for the sake of the children ("Can divorce be good?", Real Life, 5 October). When I was finally driven by fear to make the break I discovered that I had not been the only victim of my husband's cruelty but that he had systematically abused one of my children for years.

Had I followed my instincts instead of the advice and opinions of the experts I would have saved myself and my family untold damage and my daughter would not still be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome five years later.

A marriage in difficulties can only be worth rescuing if all parties involved are equally willing to work at solving the problems. To condemn children as well as partners to a living hell, because the alternative is, in the short term, disruptive, is a greater evil, with consequences reaching into future generations.

The experts should sample a bit of real life before they pontificate so dangerously. Believe it or not people do listen to them and - worse still - think they know best. Heaven help us.

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