Plum jobs in the world of advertising

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As readers must now be aware, we are nearing the end of National Prune Week. Not every aspect has gone according to plan.

Prune Marketing Board PR Person: Thank you for making this meeting at such short notice. I think everybody understands its importance.

Oleaginous & Blather Creative: To unlock the analytical discipline of the creative approach to the development and communication of the strategy?

Man from the Prune: You could put it that way. I'd prefer crisis management.

Blather: Let's not forget we had to overcome the product's negative emotional value.

Prune Person: If we're going to start apportioning blame, I think we should go back to your original response to our brief ...

Blather: To promote the prune ...

Prune Person: Frankly, I've never ben happy with your slogan, "Everything we do is driven by you." It doesn't even scan.

Blather: Well, you know we'd have preferred, "Everything we poo is driven by you." Better product saliency.

Prune Person: For goodness' sake, you're still thinking in those old prunist terms. You know perfectly well that the prune is healthy, delicious and value for money - Nineties values essentialised. And don't forget a prune is simply a dried plum. Plums have never had an image problem.

Blather: Plums have got more appetite appeal. Juicy, plump ...

Prune Person: All right, all right. But your timing couldn't have been worse. Prune juice is hardly a hearty winter drink, is it?

Blather: We were hoping for a "Snowbound Pregnant Woman Survives On Prunes" story.

Prune Person: Instead we got, "Prunes Were Last Straw In Trolley Rage Slaying".

Blather: What about the Scott report? Even prunes are more fun than Scott.

Prune Person: There you go again, badmouthing the product. Actually, I'm talking about Pancake Day.

Blather: Prunes and Lent are a natural pair. Plus, the prune fillings promotion has been a bookmarker. Goat's cheese and prune won the best filling competition on Radio Dyfed's cookery slot.

Prune Person: What about the Sainsbury's magazine debacle? Prune and sun-dried tomato paste? Prune and rocket salad? Chargrilled squid with prune croutons? Delia Smith is furious.

Blather: We were simply trying to inject a little zip into the campaign. Your brief was to get those 16-24s.

Prune Person: Which brings us to the Brit awards ...

Blather: We couldn't get The Girlie Show.

Prune Person: The "pruning" of Michael Jackson was a disgrace.

Blather: Pulp are the biggest thing since the Beatles. If they endorse the product, we could achieve information dominance.

Prune Person: Jarvis Cocker did not "endorse" the product, he threw it at Michael Jackson.

Blather: It was a sessionable multi-use event delivering refreshment and style value. A question of pouring out the cream and seeing if the cat licks it up.

Prune Person: And now the poster debacle. A line-up of dried fruit ...

Blather: Helmut Newton did a bookmark of a job.

Prune Person: Apricots, dates, figs, raisins, sultanas, currants ... Positive association was the term you used, I believe.

Blather: We ran it up the flagpole, you saluted.

Prune Person: That was the original image.

Blather: Our research people were up against it. Every group was showing negative associations: old people; constipation ...

Prune Person: So you got rid of them completely and replaced them with dried mangos!

Blather: Our product would still have benefited by association.

Prune Person: Association? It's a complete crisis! In the words of the general secretary of the Fruit Workers Union, "This is an appalling situation which reveals the depths of prunist attitudes in our society."

Blather: Our strategy -

Prune Person: Hundreds of workers have walked out of fruit plants, causing pounds 2.8m in lost production ...

Blather: OK. It was a mistake.

Prune Person: A mistake? You can have any dried fruit you want as long as it's not prunes.

Blather: We're off the account, I take it.

Prune Person: Get me Max Clifford ... Max? We've got a crisis ...

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