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Our pay is pathetic. It makes us out to be the laughing stock among our constituents who are in management positions - unnamed MP, on 2.7 per cent pay rise which will take their salary to pounds 34,085

I travel free on public transport because I'm a clapped-out old fart - Lord Healey

She says she'd rather be my wife than not be my wife. She wouldn't want to walk away from me because she wouldn't have anywhere to walk to - Tom Jones, singer

There is no magic cure. That's why slimming is a multi-million pound industry - Liz Earle, author of `The Bikini Diet'

I woke up in bed this morning, turned over and 40 photographers turned over as well - Michael Barrymore on renewed press claims over his private life

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them past the test? - The Duke of Edinburgh, to a local driving instructor during a visit to Oban, Argyll