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The three most beautiful words in the English language are not `I love you'. They are `It's benign' - Woody Allen, film-maker

We should stop all this nonsense about not being vain. God didn't make us fat. We made ourselves fat - Rosemary Conley, author of best-selling books on diet

Being fat stopped me having sex with the light on - Arabella Weir, comedy star

We are sick of country people being portrayed as style-less fuddy-duddies. But we are going to stand up for the horsey lady - Mark Hughes, of `Horse and Hound', the latest issue of which contains pictures of glamorous model Paula Hamilton

I applaud shoplifting. I don't do it myself. I haven't the courage to do it. But the shops put stuff out to tempt you. It is a recognisable risk. You are tempted and you take it. Whose fault is that? - Jimmy McGovern, writer of TV drama `Cracker'

Melons can be grown in the arid soil of Libya. It's possible that we will be colonised again by Europe because of our melons, as well as for the sand and the sun, which Europe does not have - Colonel Gadaffi, Libyan leader

Being a trooper in a regiment where people know that one's ancestor founded the thing makes one truly hard-boiled. It made me unembarrassable - Tam Dalyell, Labour MP, on his National Service in the Scots Greys, the family regiment raised by Bluidy Tam in the 1660s