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We are not the masters. The people are the masters. We are the people's servants - Tony Blair, to Labour MPs

Trade unions are employers. We don't run our organisations like some kind of hippie commune - Alan Johnson, general secretary of the Union of Communication Workers, and now a Labour MP

I knew that politics would bring many strange experiences, but nothing in life can prepare a man to make small talk to a transsexual bird cage - Martin Bell, MP for Tatton, on meeting Miss Moneypenny, the 7ft transvestite candidate with a cage on her head

All contributions will be gratefully received - Neil Hamilton, former MP, contemplating his financial future

My mother had her formula for avoiding such a nightie nightmare. She dressed and slapped on the make-up before she said "Good morning" to even a red box - Carol Thatcher, on Cherie Blair being photographed in her night attire at her front door

Dear Mr Eleventh - opening line of a computerised letter sent to the 11th Earl of Coventry

He is such an important part of my life that if I die before him I want a little bit of my ashes put in his food so that I can finally live inside him - Drew Barrymore, actress, on her devotion to her cat

Only the English would call it slush. The Italians wouldn't call it slush. Nor would the Irish. What you call slush I call emotive melody - Chris Rea, singer-songwriter