quotes of the week

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Missed your train? Cursing doesn't help.

Dutch poster, placed in railway stations by anti-cursing campaign

I am not a marketing manager for British beef.

Helmut Kohl, asked whether he enjoyed the beef lunch he shared with John Major

I don't think it will be a good night for us.

Michael Heseltine, the Deputy Prime Minister, awaiting the results of last Thursday's local elections

Today we have become the party of men with mobile telephones, grey shoes and greyer minds.

Sir Julian Critchley, Conservative MP

How can a flabby air hostess be any real help in case of emergency?

Indian Airlines spokesman after 41 overweight cabin-crew members were grounded

The Government has ceased to be an independent monitor of the gambling industry and has become the largest individual sponsor of gambling in the land.

Rev Bill Wallace, convener of the Church of Scotland

Why not replace lawn areas with paving stones or gravel?

Severn Trent Water advice to customers on water conservation