Taking the last chocolate in the box
Taking home that wine that seemed so great on holiday
Eating any sausages served in any hotel breakfast
Drinking any white wine served in a pub
Resorting to any medicine in your bathroom cupboard that hasn't been bought in the past week
Reading any publications that claim to be "Lifestyle Magazines"
Putting on yesterday's shirt in the fond hope that it will probably last one more day before washing
Getting in touch with those people you met on holiday
Thinking that whatever you are doing is unobserved
Ten Words Which Are Only Seen Written Down And Never Heard In Conversation
Ten Things We Give To People When We Can't Think Of Anything To Give to Them
Devices for pulling gum boots off with
A bottle of sparkling wine
Michael Palin's latest book
Small amounts of money
Home-made jars of chutney
That thing we were given by someone last Christmas which we could never find a use for
Ten words Ruined By Overuse in Advertising
Ten Phrases That Indicate That Somebody Is About To Evade The Question They Have Just Been Asked
"Well ... "
"That's a fair question..."
"Let me put it this way ..."
"I think what we should be asking ourselves is this ..."
"What we have always said is this ..."
"That's an interesting question."
"Absolutely. On the other hand. ..."
"Gosh - isn't that a green woodpecker over there?"
"Heavens - is that the time?"
Ten Things That Got Misplaced
The Lost Chord
One of Our Spies
My Heart (in San Francisco)
The Lost Tribe of Israel
The Land that Time forgot
The Lost Boys
The Unknown Soldier
Ten Bisexual Names, Equally Available to Both Men and Women
Ten Foreign Words Sprinkled In Tedious Conversations The Same Way As Grated Chocolate Is Sprinkled on Fake Capuccino Coffee
Ten Things That We Believe In Because They Have Been Given A Name Though They Probably Don't Exist
John Major's Classless Society
The Northern Ireland Peace Process
The Gay Community
The British Film Industry
The Chattering Classes
Life After Death
Ten Meanings For Which There Is No Word
Nail clippings which have become so embedded in your jersey that they are now part of its texture
To ascribe erroneously to Dorothy Parker
The act of talking to a parrot without getting an answer
A fake baguette made with dull English flour
The act of flashing your headlights at cars coming the other way to indicate that there is a police speed trap round the corner
The act of following the course of a disused railway with your eye as you drive along a motorway
The empty plate which the waiter removes from your place as you sit down in a restaurant
A food stain which is exactly the same colour as the garment it is on
An innate inability to locate Radio 5 on the dial
The act of trying to read the front pages of every other newspaper in a newsagents while you are buying your own paper.