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FLUENT FOOTBALL (stuck for words for tonight's match? First choose your team. A Italy B Brazil. Here's what to shout):

OK, the whistle's gone:

A. Eccoci] eccoci] eccoci] (echo chee)

B. E ai vamos nos] E ai vamos nos] (maybe twice is enough for this one . . . but lots of ssshhh on the s's, please)

Your team is trailing after the first half - be philosophical:

A. E una partita di due meta

B. E um jogo (shoggo) de duas metades

You scored]

A. GOAL]]]]]]]

B. GOL]]]]]]]]

The referee has awarded a penalty against you:

A. Fallo?] Mai, mai, mai]

B. Penalti?] Nunca, nunca, nunca]

The referee hasn't seen the other side's foul]

A. Certo, che era un fallo]

B. Foi penalti, mesmo]

You lost. You feel . . .

A. malato come un papagallo

B. doente como um papagaio

You won] How do you feel?

A. Sopra la luna]

B. No topa la lua]

TODAY is the feast day of the boy martyr Saint Kenelm, widely venerated in England in the Middle Ages. The myth is that he succeeded his father Kenulf as King of Mercia at the age of seven, thus incurring the jealousy of his sister, Quendreda, who had the little boy killed. His body was discovered in a miraculous fashion: a dove dropped a verse on the altar of St Peter's in Rome: 'In Clent in Cowbage, Kenelm king born/Lieth under a thorn, / His head off shorn'. Truth is less miraculous. Kenelm never became King because his father outlived him. No bird told the pope of his death since Pope Leo III later gave him Glastonbury Abbey. He probably died on the battlefield.

17 July, 1793: Charlotte Corday (above) was executed, aged 24, for the murder of the French revolutionary Jean-Paul Marat. A royalist working for the anti- Revolutionary Girondins, she gained an interview with Marat, a busy man who could only fit her in while he was in the bath. She had professed to have information about dissidents for his newspaper. He assured her they would be executed, whereupon she drew out a knife and stabbed him through the heart. She was arrested on the spot, tried and convicted by a Revolutionary tribunal, and guillotined four days after the murder.

1841: Punch first published.

1955: Disneyland opened in California.

1981: Humber Bridge opened.

(Photograph omitted)

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