Yes, I have in my hand a list of the names of the men who have done the deed. The deed which has horrified the whole of Britain.
I will tell you what deed.
The deed which, day in, day out, has revolted the people of this good country.
I am talking about the brutal way in which Britain has been sold off cheap, carved up for a quick profit, cheapened in the international market, and brought low in the eyes of our neighbours.
The way in which our own country has been ripped off, its gas and its water, its oil and its railways all flogged by a group of get-rich-quick flash Harries who shouldn't be allowed to run a PTA school jumble sale for fear they would sell off the school and its grounds. In other words, I am talking about the way Britain has been turned from an honourable country into a society with about as much sense of honour as a conference of sales managers.
You know who I am talking about.
I am talking about the people who were condemned in the Scott Report as having consistently lied to Parliament, all of whom refused to resign or even admit any guilt.
I am talking about the people who sold off our railways cheap for a quick buck and have left them to rot.
I am talking about the people who have let our roads choke with traffic and our air fill with pollution.
I am talking in very short sentences so that you understand what I am saying.
So that I don't have to do a lot of nudging and winking.
Unlike Sir Richard Scott, who made the mistake of using lots of long sentences and gentlemanly circumlocutions in his report, so that the people he accused could say, "Well, he never actually said that I lied."
So that now Sir Richard Scott goes to bed weeping every night, saying, "Oh God, I thought I had written a damning report and nobody sees it that way! If only I had spelt out what I thought instead of doing the usual English thing of hinting delicately at the facts."
This is not a mistake I intend to make today.
I have the names of the guilty people, and I am not afraid to name them.
When a person lies, I say that he lies; I do not say, like Sir Richard Scott, that "he might have done better to adhere more pedantically to the facts as he knew them".
I have the names of the liars, the cheats, the fraudsters who have brought this country low down the European league and made us a laughing-stock.
I have the names of the people whose lying inefficiency inflicted BSE on this country.
The names of those who refused to testify to Brussels about BSE.
I have the names of those who pretended to be tough on crime, and let crime increase.
Who pretended to put more people in prison, and let more escape.
Who said they would preserve our town centres and let them die.
[For heaven's sake get to the point! Ed]
The people I am talking about are the Tory government and their unelected quangos and their obedient chairmen and their lickspittle local bureaucrats and their time-serving hangers-on, and the men who ask questions for money, and the ...
[I am very afraid that you may lose the attention of your audience if you do not name some names soon. Ed]
They may sue me if they wish. The men who have made Britain a byword for sleaze and cheap profit in the last decade and a half may sue me all they like. I wish they would. I dare them to.
From 10 Downing Street on downwards, I challenge the mediocrities, the half-chancers, the opportunists, the small-time fraudsters to take me to court.They know they are guilty, so they will not dare.
And I challenge the people who put them there to take me to court!
Yes, the people who in 1992 voted for this tawdry government, the Sun- reading, burger-eating, soap-watching mass public who put these guilty men in power, the voters who connived to hand the keys of the family silver to the petty crooks - I challenge them to say they are not accomplices to this horrifying and sordid chapter!
Tomorrow I name the people in the Tory government who have done their best to ruin this country!
And I name all those gullible or scheming people who voted for them in 1992!
[Oh, no you don't! Ed]